The Greater Good
by DumbleSocks
Summary: In 2019, two friends settle down for a pleasant evening of Harry Potter based antics, only to be thrust into the Wizarding World forty-two years in the past. Positioned on the cusp of the first Wizarding War and armed with a fountain of Harry Potter based knowledge, the two find themselves faced with the ultimate question: should they change the storyline?
1. Chapter 1

**Authors' Note**

**Well, well, well. What do we have here?**

_So you've found us then? Stumbled your way in our little den of - _

**Way to make it sound creepy man.**

_Welcome to our first foray into fanfiction_.

**Nice ****Alliteration.**

_Ta my __dude. __Anyway, as mentioned, this is our first story together. We're two friends that love writing and love Harry Potter._

**We do indeed. So we thought, why the heck not, and produced this monstrosity. (An affectionate term.)**

_And we thought why not share our little abomination (an affectionate term) with fellow fans or fiends._

**Thus, here we are!**

* * *

**Chapter One: **The Part Where Ragnorok Hits Rural Lincolnshire* (The Midlands do exist)

It has often been assumed that great quests, considerable challenges of character and endurance, are always bequeathed to the most upstanding of heroes. Figures of strength and nobility, with relentless dedication to a mighty cause. What few realise, or perhaps just don't want to admit, is that the cause itself is of little importance; usually deemed 'the greater good', whilst doing its level best to avoid any questions of exactly _which _greater good, or good for whom. What really matter are the individuals who carry it out. The ambition and strength and, more often than not, pure tenacity with which they conduct themselves so that their own understanding of what is right can prevail.

It is with seemingly great misfortune, therefore, that very early one morning whatever culturally ambiguous deity was using the world as its playpen appeared not to get the memo, as one of the greatest expeditions ever to have occurred almost literally fell into the lap of two pyjama-clad teenagers.

'It's starting!' Ella shouted excitedly, before wincing at her own volume.

Her friend Adele's parents were upstairs, asleep, and she didn't want to wake them. It had been hard enough to convince her own parents that a Harry Potter movie marathon was _absolutely _essential to her school career, a necessary de-stressing ritual in all the panic of exams. There had been a lot of umming and ahhing during this explanation, and at one point, Ella had been worried she would need to crack out the PowerPoint Presentation she and Addy kept on standby for such occasions. Or the interpretative dance number, but that was only as an absolute last resort. She'd look ridiculous without Addy there to do the lift.

It was nearing 2:00AM by this point and most reasonable individuals were tucked up in bed, dreaming of farmyard animals or turning up to work with no trousers on. Fortunately, the pair prided themselves on being thoroughly unreasonable, or, a little awkward as some might say. Forward planning, Addy declared, was for gumps. Hence, it had already been quite late at night when Ella had driven over to rendezvous with her friend for an evening/morning of pure J. K. Rowling magic (which they were definitely not too old for, despite what her mother may say). Two movies later, they showed no signs of slowing, despite the dark circles that were slowly forming beneath the girls' eyes.

'Hold the damn fort,' Addy yelled back, clearly less concerned about her family's week-night sleeping schedules than Ella was. 'You're gonna need to pause it. I'm having a situation with the hot-chocolate maker.'

Ella rolled her eyes amusedly.

'Have you tried turning it off and on again?'

She received no reply. Her friend was both technologically inept and a very stubborn host. She'd accept no aid in the kitchen until she'd figured it out herself. Ella couldn't help the fondness that washed over her then, as she imagined Addy attacking said hot-chocolate maker with a spoon and threatening to put it up for adoption. Still, time was ticking. Ella leant down from the sofa and reached to pick the remote up, pausing the film mid-way through the opening credits. She smiled a little to herself, knowing full-well that Addy would make her rewind them again to watch from the beginning. All twenty-four seconds of it.

Ten minutes later, Addy walked through the living room door, sporting a leopard print blanket cape and clutching two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in her steady hands.

'Just decided to turn it off and on again,' she said, handing Ella a mug and plopping herself down next to her. 'It was a stroke of genius on my part, really. Could you rewind it please?'

An hour or so into the movie, and both girls were grinning with the mania of die-hard fans as they watched their beloved characters interact on screen; visiting Hogsmeade for the first time, exploiting the Invisibility Cloak for general shenaniganry and, most importantly, Hermione giving Draco a shiner that he would remember for the rest of his life. Tiredness had begun to set in, but they were determined to power through at least the rest of _Prisoner of Azkaban_, if not _Goblet of Fire_.

'Gary Oldman is a top-notch bloke,' Addy noted, scrolling through the actor's imdb. 'Did you know that his sister plays Big Mo in EastEnders?'

'I do,' Ella replied. 'Because you've told me the past three times we've watched this film.'

Ella herself was concentrating on the performance of the newly instated Michael Gambon as Dumbledore. She had mixed feelings about Gambon, having preferred the choice of Ian McKellen for the old twinkly-eyed wizard after Richard Harris had passed. She understood and respected why McKellen had declined, what with Harris' contempt towards him as an actor, but couldn't help but feel that McKellen would have absolutely nailed the role. After all, look at what the man did with Gandalf.

'You're pondering Gambon again, aren't you?' Addy asked, closing her tabs on the family iPad and popping the device down on the arm of the sofa, next to a well-read and well-loved copy of the Prisoner of Azkaban. The girls were planning on doing this sleepover properly, and that meant surrounding themselves with various merchandise. All seven books were dotted around the living room, with the illustrated copies of the first three books taking precedence at the centre of the rug. Addy had made sure that her editions of _Quidditch through the Ages_ and _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ were on hand for impromptu fact checking, while Ella had brought her own beautifully bound copy of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ from home, along with her wand and the quidditch jersey which she wore to bed.

'I still think that he's a good choice, despite the whole _HARRY DIDYA PUT YER NAME IN DA GOBLET OF FIYAH_ incident' she continued, sounding more like Brian Blessed than Michael Gambon but rolling with it anyway.

'Yeah, I know. And I do think he's good at playing the darker side of Dumbledore when needed. I just don't think he has the same sort of gravitas that McKellen or Harris provide. Mind you, he is good as playing Dumbledore as quite young and spritely, which I don't think Harris could have done, magnificent as he was.' Ella responded.

'I agree, but Harris did manage to sport some spectacular robes - that man can rock a cloak like nobody's business. It's wizardry in itself. Plus, I think that he was excellent in the first two films he did, introducing Harry to the Wizarding world and such-like. A wise-Grandpa figure.'

This was one of many Harry Potter based debates they rehashed in one another's company. Others included the pairing of Harry and Ginny ('_I'm just not a fan of the two together, I think he'd be good with Luna.' 'I actually think Ron would be better with Luna.' 'Woah there.') _and which book was better, with Addy strongly favouring the third ('_Sirius Black and time travel! Hermione hits Draco!'_) and Ella rooting for the second ('_They're still so young and adorable! Harry gets a sword! DOBBY!'_).

Time and time again they bickered over fan theory, casting choices and the old 'is Snape good or bad' discussion, which was often resolved with the conclusion that he was an arsehole, but ultimately a hero. After deliberating Gambon's Dumbledore for a little while, they reached the scene where the Grim reveals himself to be, in fact, Sirius Black. This revelation prompted raucous cheers from the girls until Ella once more remembered Addy's sleeping family.

'Alright, I'm going to ask it. Which Marauder do you think we'd be?' Ella said tiredly, watching David Thewlis and Gary Oldman hug it out as Sirius Black and Remus Lupin respectively, and thinking to herself that they would have made the ultimate couple. But then Tonks. But then Wolfstar.

'Well, I know who you'd be, but it just so happened that I prepared for this very instance about thirty seconds ago,' Addy replied, once more scrolling through the iPad. 'You don't just keep me around for my good looks. Check your phone, I've sent you a link.'

'What do you mean you know who I'd be? I'm indefinable-'

'-ah yes, a very enigma,' Addy affirmed.

'-I cannot be categorised,' Ella finished, getting up to unplug her phone from where it sat charging. Her face fell when she checked the battery. 'Oh, crap. Twelve percent. I forgot to turn the plug on.' She left her phone where it was, flicking the switch and squatting by it to see what Addy had sent her. Opening the messenger app, she rolled her eyes with a grin. 'Of course it would be a Buzzfeed quiz, how did I not see that coming?'

'A must, if we are to seek out great and inordinate truths about our character. Pun intended. Buzzfeed knows all,' Addy said, solemnly. 'There is no other way, Ella, but this.'

'I'm so greatly, greatly ashamed for ever doubting the omniscient powers of Buzzfeed. I hope the quizzing overlord forgives me for such a heinous act of betrayal' she said, opening up a quiz entitled: _Answer These Seven Questions and We'll Reveal Which "Harry Potter" Marauder You Are_.

'Well, now you're just being sexist. Who's to say it's not an overlady?'

'Well now you're just being speciesist. Who's to say it's not an overdolphin?'

'Well now you're being -

'Addy, shut up and take the damn quiz.'

'Noted.'

The pair settled down in relative silence to find out which Marauder they were, Addy briefly getting distracted by a trending quiz that determined your cheese type (integral information, wait, what if she ended up being mild cheddar?), before deciding to bank that one for later to send to her sister.

Prisoner of Azkaban was still playing on television in the background, Dumbledore quietly encouraging Hermione to use her time-turner so that she and Harry could save 'more than one innocent life'. Goddammit Dumbledore, could you be any more cryptic?

As Ella began to take the quiz, choosing her preferred house (Ravenclaw of course, Pottermore never lies) she noticed that the television had begun to buffer, flickering with static that she hadn't seen since she'd last watched _Return of the Jedi_ on video (which immediately had her planning a Star Wars marathon for the near future).

'Ad, your TV's freaking out a little.'

Addy looked up. The screen was dancing between colours, black, white, green, red, occasionally pausing on the film itself, a frozen picture of Hermione clutching the time-turner.

'I told dad that we needed to get a new DVD player,' she remarked, shimmying off the sofa and moving closer to the screen.

'Maybe there's a scratch on the disk?' Ella offered. As Ella spoke a noise began to emit from the TV, an aggressive digital static that grated against her nerve endings, making her wince.

Addy gritted her teeth as she attempted to lower the volume manually on the box, but alas, the sound continued.

'Bloody tits, turn it off Ella.'

Ella reached for the remote and pressed the power button but found that it made no difference. Perplexed, she tried again, to no avail. She took off the back casing of the remote and switched round the batteries before attempting it once more. Nothing.

'It's not working.'

'Whack it on the arm of the sofa, that usually does the trick.' Addy replied, rubbing her face irritably.

Muttering something under her breath about violence against household objects, Ella did as Addy suggested, gently patting the remote afterwards as if to make up for her abuse. Still nada.

'Right, that's it. I'm unplugging the damn thing. I'll rejig it all in the morning.' Addy paused, noting the clock. 'Well, later in the morning.'

She advanced towards the socket in order to unplug the television but was met with a sudden cold blast of air coming through the nearby window. The force of it sent her reeling and she stumbled over. Her limbs flailing with the grace of a newborn deer onto the carpeted floor, the corner of a hardback _Order of the Phoenix _jabbing into her upper thigh, like the pants of teenage boy that'd just discovered Baywatch.

'_Oof. _What the_-_ that sent me arse over tit!'

'The window's open,' Ella said, long-familiar with her friend's wonderfully dramatic antics (the girl could not trip without looking like a Shakespearean character on-stage) and already moving towards her to help her up. 'I could have sworn I shut it earlier.'

'Well, apparently not.'

Ella frowned. She distinctly remembered closing the window a couple of hours ago. Despite it being August, English weather was never quite up to scratch and the evenings were almost always cold. Plus, the very task had been a struggle for her. Addy's parents had recently replaced their windows (the old ones were almost falling out) and the new handles were stiff with disuse. Her five-foot two stature didn't help the issue either, as she stood on the very tips of her toes to reach the top sheet of glass, body smushed (a technical term) against the windowpane like a short-sighted bird.

She walked over to the window, shivering a little bit at the cold air that seemed to be gushing through the crack, and reached up to shut it but found she couldn't. She pulled the white handle forward with all her might, tiptoes lifting off the floor as she dangled from the plasticised handgrip like a deranged yoyo.

'Ad, can I have a little help here?' She said, voice slightly strained as she continued to pull. Her biceps were taut under the pressure. 'You need to tell your parents they were ripped-off with these windows. Badly.'

Before Addy could move to help her friend, the window shattered, shards of glass skimming the surface of her living-room carpet and table like jagged snowflakes. By some unknown force, Ella shot back, almost bowling into the unlit fireplace. Her shoulder slammed against the brick wall, impacting the surface with an almighty crack of bone and delayed snap of tendon. Ella's eyes shut as she clutched her shoulder, groaning as a cold ache began to writhe its way through her upper body, sharpening into an intense burn as it crawled along her nerves.

The cold wind rushed in with renewed vigour, as if their attempts to quell it had only angered it further. The girls could almost see the gusts, aggressively swirling and twirling, gathering momentum. A taciturn howl unfriendly to their ears lifted papers and knick-knacks: the fruit-bowl, the cordless telephone, knocking them against walls and caressing them against surfaces embedded with glass. It blustered around the room, lost and wailing, its cruel assault biting at the girls faces.

'I think you're right,' Addy yelled, her voice competing to be heard over the savage storm, 'they definitely got ripped off. What the balls is going on?'

'I don't know' Ella groaned, clutching at her shoulder, which was now wet and warm with blood. 'I'd say hurricane but it's rural Lincolnshire. Armageddon can't have started this early.'

'You're hurt!' Addy exclaimed, stumbling over to her friend and noticing her slowly reddening nightshirt. Airborne shards of glass pricked at her exposed skin: wasps in a sticky summer heat. 'Come on, we need to get out of here.'

Addy offered Ella her hand who took it, pulling herself up with a silent wince. She'd climbed enough trees as a child to know when she'd broken a bone, and her shoulder was a dirty break. She gritted her teeth as she followed her friend, hand in hand, squeezing Addy's palm ever-so-slightly when she felt a particularly painful throb, but staying as quiet as she could. Addy may joke like her life depended on it but she was a worrier, especially when it came to those she cared about, and fiercely protective. Ella didn't want to add to the panic she could already feel radiating off of her.

While they were making their way to the door, the girls noticed the books on the floor begin to slowly peel back with the drive of the wind. Paperbacks first, covers sluggishly opening to expose the first few pages. Then hardbacks, whose paperboard covers dropped against the carpet like dead weight. The books began to flutter in motion, flitting swiftly from page to page as if being read by an invisible force. As the hostile onslaught of the wind raged on, the paper began to tear from the books, hoisting them into the air like a plethora of long-forgotten kites. The books began to rip and shred: dust-covers mutilating themselves, violently tearing from their home, chapters lifting themselves from their binding, breaking free into the open like liberated prisoners. The air was cluttered with thousands of pages, darting aggressively with the motion of the wind.

The two girls found themselves struggling to move against the wind's momentum, their legs slowing and straining as they fought their way to the door. They pushed against the belligerent drag that seemed to want them at the room's centre, reaching with all their might for the door handle until they themselves were swept off their feet.

Ella swore, the wind arresting her injured shoulder as she began to rotate in the air amid the pages and other miscellaneous items from Addy's home. She was beginning to feel lethargic, the blood coming out in gushes now, and the pain of her splintered bone prompting a dizziness and nausea that wasn't helped by the repetitive spinning motion of the wind. She knocked against the airborne coffee table, forgotten mug of hot-chocolate sloshing the last dregs over her nightshirt, nearly blacking out from pain as the hard wood jammed into her shoulder.

Addy sailed violently through the air, moving towards what appeared to be the eye of the storm at the centre of the room. She grabbed at one of the ceiling lamps as she was dragged across the room, managing to cling onto a single metal branch from her mother's pendant light. She saw Ella ahead of her, caught in a violent gust. Her eyes were shut, and she was being rocked back and forth by the spiralling gale. The pages began to stick together on the ceiling above her, the ink running across the yellowed paper, coagulating to form a twisting whirlpool of midnight blue. She could hear voices now, above the wind, screaming and yelling in fear, foreboding groans, low moans and what sounded to Addy like running water. The wind was dragging Ella closer and closer to its centre, her splayed body near limp from blood loss and nausea. Addy watched as Ella entered the maelstrom, legs first, her lower body gradually disappearing from view.

'No, no way. Not going to happen.'

Cursing, Addy let go of the ceiling light and surged towards her friend, grabbing her hand just in time to be swallowed into the portal too.

* * *

*****_For all those non-English readers, Lincolnshire is a rural county, mostly fields and sheep._** It's the second largest in England, situated in the East Midlands. Homeland of the great Lincolnshire sausage **_(Not a euphemism.)._


	2. Chapter 2

Authors' Note

_Back so soon? Knew you couldn't keep away._

**Again with the creepy thing. Are you _trying_ to channel Cormac McLaggen?**

_How. Very. DARE. You._

**Oh, I dare.**

_Hmph. Well, here it is. The long-awaited (2 hours and counting) second chapter._

**Bloody hell, it's been a long road. Many moons have passed.**

_Many warriors have_ _fallen_.

**Many cakes have been consumed. (Only one of these things is true.)**

_So sit back, grab your own leopard-print blanket cape, and dive in_.

**We hope you enjoy! **

* * *

**Chapter Two: **The Part Where Ice-Cream Solves Everything

Ella wasn't sure how much time had passed, dropping in and out of consciousness with each dizzying spin, some invisible force dragging her along like a rag doll. Each time her and Addy met in a clash of limbs she tried to call out to the other girl, but nothing came out. In fact, there was nothing at all. No sound, no light, only the constant movement of their bodies and a faint prickling sensation beneath her skin. It was getting more and more painful, building towards some unknown crescendo. Soon, she felt like her entire body was crawling with fire ants, a thousand burning hot needles pricking her from every direction. Just as the sensation became unbearable there was a violent tug in the pit of her stomach, as if someone had thrown a grappling hook and was trying to reel them in. She heard Addy yell, the first sound to cut through the vacuum, before light exploded behind her eyes.

Before they knew it, they were soaring through the air, clutching desperately at each-other as they met the ground so forcefully Addy felt the jarring impact set her teeth chattering. Of course it was cobblestone. It couldn't be soft, plushy grass or warm sand, or even the ever-icy waters of the English coast (yes, even in summer). It just had to be stone.

Cold, hard stone.

The Romans really knew how to pave a bloody road.* Muttering angrily about ancient infrastructure, Addy wiggled her limbs to test for injuries. She was sore all over and knew that pretty soon she'd be sporting some boast-worthy bruises, but to her chagrin, nothing appeared to be broken.

'Plunged through a ceiling vortex and I still haven't managed to break so much as my little toe,' she said irritably, getting steadily to her feet and shaking out her achy limbs. 'I'll never get my cast signed.'

A weak cough, followed by a low groan to her left had her spinning around hastily.

'Arse, bloody tits. Ella, my God, your shoulder looks a right mess!'

The girl in question was so pallid in the faint moonlight, Addy was sure that Ella must have fainted again. But then familiar eyes met hers, a perfect match for the night sky above them. It was just beginning to lighten with the early hours of the morning and as Addy's eyes adjusted she could see the slight sheen of sweat covering Ella's skin. Tremors rocked through her body, each one met with a pained gasp when the movement shook the injured bone.

'Jesus. We need to get you to a hospital, now,' Addy said kneeling down next to her friend to assess the damage. Addy was not great with blood and seeing the streams of red rushing out of Ella like a particularly rusty water pipe had her reeling. She needed to act, soon.

Addy began looking around desperately for a phone box since neither of them had their mobiles on them (pointedly ignoring the fact that neither of them had any change either. She could cross that bridge when she came to it). It was only then that she fully took in her surroundings. If she was just going by what she could see, she would say they had stumbled onto a typical Victorian street, complete with dingy gas lighting and old wooden street signs hanging over the top-heavy shops. She half expected to see Fagin walk around the corner with the Artful Dodger in tow, trying to lift the wallet of some unsuspecting, top-hat wearing gentleman. No, no respectful gentleman would ever find himself down here, she thought with a frown. It was the type of place her dodgy Uncle Jay would hang out if he happened to be a destitute dandy in 1853. There was an air of grunge and decay to the place, mixing unpleasantly with the warmth of the summer breeze. But most importantly, there were no phone boxes. No one around to beg for help.

'I need to find somewhere to call an ambulance- ' Addy began.

'Just leave me, Ad. I'll be fine. Go get help' Ella interrupted, her voice hoarse but surprisingly strong.

'Are you kidding me? And leave you alone to get sucked into another portal-thing without me? No way pal. We're sticking together.' Addy replied stubbornly.

'Addy -'

'Nope. Not gonna happen.'

Ella let out an exasperated sigh as Addy bent down to help her slowly to her feet, shoulder twinging with each movement until she thought she might throw up on herself. Glancing down, she saw that her top was already stained red and brown from her bleeding injury and the spilt hot chocolate. Why not add a little vomit to the mix. _Lovely._

'Don't think I don't see your game, wanting all the glory to yourself. I leave you here, you get found by a nice family who take you in, feed you delicious food. Before you know it, you're being interviewed on local radio about your daring sci-fi adventures. Suddenly you've got a talk show and a breakfast cereal named after you, all because I left you alone for five minutes to find a phone. You bloody fame-hog.' Addy huffed under the strain of holding her friend up, keeping Ella's arm in place around her shoulders.

Ella couldn't help the wheezing chuckle that left her at this, it was just _so_ Addy. Stranded, with no idea where they were or what they were going to do, and there she was making jokes about cereal. Ella felt her heart clench in affection for her friend, before swearing colourfully as the laughter sent another wave of pain over her. They continued forward with shaky steps, until something caught her eye and she froze.

'Is that a _shrunken head?!_' She exclaimed, coiling back in revulsion as she gazed into the shop display.

'What? Where?' Addy replied, trying to follow Ella's gaze but finding her own attention suddenly riveted upon one of the shop signs. 'No. No way. No bloody way…'

Carved into the aged wood were the words 'Borgin & Burkes', with a much smaller '13B Knockturn Alley, London' beneath it.

'Sweet mother of biscuits… _Ella!_' Addy exclaimed, eyes never leaving the sign as she held up a shaking finger towards it, still not believing her eyes.

'What? What are you….' Ella heard her own intake of breath as she too stared at the sign. All of a sudden she was hyper-aware of the street around her: the Victorian architecture, the shrunken heads. The shop to their right selling poison candles. Oh. _Oh_. No. It couldn't be. Could it?

She was so caught up in her own sense of wonder and increasing panic, she almost didn't hear the cloaked figures as they approached. She turned to Addy and realised from the bug-eyed expression on her friend's face that she hadn't in fact heard them. Ella tugged Addy's sleepshirt as firmly as she could manage in her newly-dazed state, until green eyes met hers and a look of comprehension and fear dawned with the sound of the approaching footsteps. Yes, they needed help. But they couldn't just jump out at the first people they met, not now. Not until they were sure about what they were both thinking, sure that it all wasn't just some sick joke or a misguided attempt at a birthday present. (She wouldn't put it past some of their friends, not after the aubergine incident of '09.) Talk about conflicting emotions; she felt like someone had just walloped them round the head with a hammer and offered them their favourite food all at the same time.

'Quick, in here' Ella whispered softly, pulling at Addy who was still somewhat frozen. With a shake of her head, trying to clear the million thoughts whizzing through her mind, Addy followed Ella into the shadowy corner of a shop entrance. She was still holding most of her friend's weight against her side; they really did need to get some medical assistance, pronto.

The cover wasn't perfect, with the sky getting lighter and lighter with each minute, but it was enough that anyone glancing their way would just think they were a pair of particularly odd-shaped shadows. They plastered themselves against the glass pane of the shop door as the two cloaked figures came further into view, stopping just a few steps away in front of the display of shrunken heads that had caught Ella off guard earlier. She could see now that there was a significant height difference between the two figures, the smaller one glancing at the window and shivering slightly as if they, too, were revolted by what they saw.

'He won't wait forever, Regulus. He's beginning to wonder at your hesitance.' Ella was sure it was the larger of the two that spoke, the man's deep voice carrying to their hiding spot as he loomed ominously over his companion. The small figure appeared to draw in slightly at the comment before squaring back their shoulders so suddenly the hood slipped from their face. And what a face, Ella thought, studying the boy's high cheekbones and the arrogant curve of his eyebrow. There was indignance there, but there was also fear. She got the feeling that he was not used to being intimidated and was trying to hide his alarm, but it sung out from his clear grey eyes and in the stiff lines of his posture. He looked so young and vulnerable, no older than her and Addy, and she felt the urge to place herself in between him and the other man. Not that she could do anything, injured as she was, but she detested bullying, especially when there was a clear age and size disadvantage.

'I am not hesitating!' He hissed back, eyes flashing. 'I know all too well my responsibilities. But the time must be right, if I am to avoid suspicion.'

The man harrumphed, clearly less than satisfied with the reply. 'The Dark Lord is not one to bend to the whims of schoolboys. If he calls upon you, you must answer. Regardless of who suspects.'

'Yes, because alerting Dumbledore to our plans with my sudden disappearance just weeks before the school year begins is definitely a wise move. Very intelligent reasoning there, Rodolphus. Clearly the Dark Lord relies on you for such keen insights,' Regulus sneered haughtily, holding his ground even as the larger man advanced on him and pulled something menacingly from his sleeve, brandishing it at the boy's throat.

'Be careful, little Black. Just because he wants you in his ranks doesn't make you indispensable. I'm sure the Dark Lord wouldn't lament too greatly if something tragic were to happen to you before you could prove yourself to us,' Rodolphus threatened in a low, silky voice. 'After all, your brother would have been the preferable choice. It's a shame he chooses to spend his time with blood traitors and half-breeds.'

At this Regulus began to shake slightly, whether in anger or fear it wasn't clear. Ella thought perhaps a little bit of both, as she watched his eyes lower to the ground and heard him whisper something to himself that sounded like 'always' and 'Sirius'.

Clearly pleased with the reaction, Rodolphus stepped back and returned whatever he had threatened Regulus with to his sleeve. 'Come, Cousin. We have tarried here too long. Your mother will be worried'. He pointedly ignored the look of cold loathing Regulus sent his way and pulled him along by the arm. Within moments the two had disappeared from sight. Ella let out the breath she hadn't realised she was holding.

They had just met Regulus Black and Rodolphus Lestrange. Okay, met was a bit of a stretch. They had creeped in the shadows like a couple of skulking skulkers whilst Regulus Black sassed Rodolphus Lestrange into the next century. But still. Regulus. Black.

'I...have no words' Addy turned to her, just as shocked with her own statement as she was about what had just occurred. Addy always had words.

'Okay,' Ella said, trying to make sense of everything that had happened since they'd settled down to a perfectly innocent night of (they had thought) harmless nostalgia. 'Okay' she repeated. Addy looked at her hopefully, as if expecting her to jump up with a sudden '_surprise!_' or tell her that this was all just a wonderfully vivid dream they were sharing. 'I have no idea what the hell is happening' Ella finally admitted to her, wincing as her shoulder gave another twinge. She had largely managed to ignore it during the exchange, too engrossed in what was happening, but now it was practically screaming at her. She sagged slightly against Addy, who immediately re-took up the mantle of protective friend and seemed to shake herself out of whatever stupor had settled on her from the moment she read the Borgin & Burkes sign.

'Right. Well. Apparently, what's happening is that Regulus Black is a sass queen - somewhat unanticipated, I never got that vibe from him in the books - the death eaters are a-gathering, and we've somehow been transported into the middle of the world of magic where there are apparently no _titting hospitals_' she answered, clearly frustrated and once more scouring the area for something, anything that could help them.

'Well, there's always St Mungo's' Ella joked, clinging to Addy as they began once again to move forward.

'Ah yes, there's always St. Mungo's' Addy deadpanned, 'which we can't find because, despite all of their wizardy prowess, no one in this bloody place has been innovative enough to put up, oh, I don't know, _signs_!'

'Ad, don't worry. We'll find somewhere. I'll be alright,' Ella said, trying to soothe her huffing friend. Quietly, she couldn't help but feel that Addy was right. She wasn't sure that all of that blood was coming from a broken bone. She must have nicked something important, and with each step she felt her dizziness increase.

Addy marched angrily, somewhat lopsidedly attempting to hold Ella's weight, in the opposite direction of Regulus Black and Rodolphus Lestrange. That was a can of worms they could open later. As the two reached the end of the twisting alleyway, they noticed that the pavement was becoming slightly cleaner, the decor slightly cheerier, before their surroundings suddenly opened up into a wide, achingly familiar street.

'Holy Pringles**, it's Diagon Alley,' Addy whispered in awe, her ire with the wizarding world momentarily forgotten. Ella glanced around her in a similar state of wonder, taking in everything she could in the early-morning light. At some point during the last couple of life-altering events the sun had begun to rise. Her eyes settled on each and every shop, knowing that in a matter of hours they would all be bustling with witches and wizards in an explosion of colour, conversation, and uniquely wonderful commerce.

They continued forward, albeit much more slowly and stopping every now and then to stare in amazement ('_Look Addy, Flourish and Blotts!' 'Ollivanders. Fricking Ollivanders.'_) until a loud, clattering noise startled them out of their reverie. They looked at each other, silently communicating panic and resignation. They were far too exposed, and the light was too bright to hide in, like they had before. Whoever or whatever it was, they had to face it.

It, as it turned out, was a merry-faced wizard in a red and white striped apron, carrying a stack of wooden chairs that he was arranging around tables in front of a shop window painted with the words 'Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour', proudly boasting over 999 flavours. _That can't be right_, Addy thought to herself, immediately distracted with trying to imagine as many different ice-cream flavours as she could. She got to fried-shrimp and wasabi before deciding to give it up as a bad exercise.

Ella kept her gaze trained on the man, knowing exactly when he had noticed them from the taken-aback expression on his face. She imagined they must look a sight, her covered in blood and being half-dragged by Addy who was still sporting the magnificent (if somewhat jarring) leopard-print blanket cape, both looking terrified, confused and a little bit dazed with the excitement that only a true Harry Potter fan could muster in this situation. It was a gift, really.

He walked towards them slowly, brow furrowing in concern. Ella thought he looked very kind, almost fatherly, although a fair bit younger than her own father. Mid-thirties, she would guess, with slightly greying brown hair and gentle eyes.

'Hello there, are you two girls alright?' His voice was good-natured, and it set something at ease in the both of them. Ella felt herself slide a little bit against Addy and suddenly he was there holding her up with a steady hand on her uninjured shoulder. 'Woah, there. It looks like you've had a bit of trouble. I think you should come inside with me, there's a good lass.'

Too exhausted to argue, the two pointedly ignored the stranger-danger bells ringing in their heads and followed him inside. He walked them through the colourful interior until they reach a booth upholstered in pale yellow and blue check fabric where they all but collapsed in an ungraceful heap.

'Now, first things first let's have a look at that shoulder of yours' he said, reaching into his back pocket and drawing out what could only be a wand. Ella couldn't even muster up the energy to be excited, although she could feel Addy practically bouncing in her seat beside her. He muttered a few words as he held it over Ella's shoulder, and she felt a tingling sensation as he began to move the wand up and down like a scanner. 'Now that's a mess and no mistake' he whistled, eyes finding hers in sympathy, before he turned his attention back and called out in a clear, authoritative voice '_Episkey_'. She felt the sharp snap of the bone as it slotted back in place, nearly biting her lip off to avoid crying out. Burning heat suddenly spread across the injured area, and it was as though she could feel the bone fusing back together again, the soft tissue around it knitting itself whole.

'_Vulnera Sanentur_,' he added, enunciating each syllable with his strong Northern dialect. The bleeding slowed down from a gush to a trickle before halting altogether. 'Now, I'm no healer' the man said apologetically, 'but that should have worked right enough. Probably St. Mungos could have done it more gentle like, but you wouldn't have made it there with the state you were in.'

Ella could have cried in relief; she didn't care if it wasn't gentle, at least it no longer hurt. All that was left of the raging pain was a dull ache, like a bruise. Bruises she could handle.

'Thank-you,' she replied fervently, trying to convey her gratitude through her eyes.

The man smiled, waving off her thanks. 'Anyone would have done the same. Now I don't think I've seen you girls in my parlour before, and every Hogwarts student comes through my doors at some point,' he said with a hint of pride. 'So, I suppose I must introduce myself. I'm Florean. And who might you young ladies be?'

'Ella'

'Addy' Addy piped up for the first time, having clearly decided that Florean was a solid bloke. She had finally let go of some tension now that Ella was no longer injured, and found her attention drawn instead to the humongous counter at the end of the room. Her eyes widened. There really were hundreds and hundreds of flavours. She wasn't even sure how so many could fit within such a confined space, but there they all were. Her stomach rumbled, and Florean laughed.

'Now it may just be because I'm an expert in such things, but you ladies look like you need a sundae.' He walked behind the counter and immediately started pottering away, humming to himself. Ella could tell he was giving them some time to themselves, not pushing or questioning, just letting them breathe a bit. But the questions would come all the same. How could they not; two bloody and injured pyjama-clad teenagers turning up in the middle of the street? Not exactly your everyday occurrence. Or maybe it was in Diagon Alley. Who even knew anymore?

'What are we going to say?' Addy whispered frantically, mind clearly on the same issue. 'We can't exactly tell him we're unwitting inter-realm travellers who got swallowed into our favourite book series.' She paused then. 'God, I sound like the last fic prompt I read.'

'Well we need to tell him something. He's not going to let it go that we turned up, clearly stranded, looking like we'd gone a few rounds with Hulk.'

'Hey! You know deep down Hulk is a softie.' Addy suddenly paused, a thought occurring to her. 'Wait, do you think the Avengers are real too?'

Before Ella could answer, Florean appeared before them then, hands full with the most magnificent sundaes they had ever seen. It occurred to Addy that they hadn't told him what flavours they wanted (not that they could afford to be picky), but as she dug in to the sugary confection before her she sighed in appreciation. Strawberries and Cream with raspberry sauce. Perfect. If God was a sundae, she thought to herself, it still wouldn't come close to this. She saw the knowing smirk on Florean's face then, and the way his chest puffed up a bit in pride at having gotten it so dang right. The man was a bloody genius.

'So,' Florean began after both girls had completely demolished their ice-cream, Ella still trying to scoop the last dregs of her own eclectic mix of stem ginger and pistachio. Addy had turned her nose up at it, thinking Florean had made a horrific mistake, but Ella had immediately attacked the sundae with enthusiasm. (The weirdo.)

They both paused, wariness radiating from their features. 'Did you girls want to tell me what happened tonight?' Florean pressed on, shrewd eyes jumping between the both of them before settling on Ella. She had been the one with the injury, after all.

'There was an... incident,' Ella began slowly, carefully, looking to Addy for inspiration. 'We're still not entirely sure what occurred.'

'An incident?' Florean repeated, clearly trying not to push, but looking more and more concerned.

'An attack,' Addy rushed out. It wasn't a lie after all. Whatever had turned her living room into a tornado of window glass and harry-potter-book-confetti, before shoving them unwillingly through time and space into death-eater-ville, clearly did not have their immediate good health and wellbeing in mind.

'You were attacked?' Florean sounded alarmed now, worry washing over his face. 'Who attacked you? What happened?'

'We're not sure who it was, after I was injured it was all a bit of a blur. Suddenly we were here, in Diagon Alley.' Ella replied, not sure why, but deciding it wouldn't be a good idea to share their little escapade in Knockturn Alley. The whole thing with Regulus felt like something they should keep to themselves, at least until they had everything else figured out.

'What about your parents? Were they attacked too?'

Ella wasn't sure how to respond to this; she liked Florean already, he had helped them when they needed it and from everything she remembered from the books, he was a good man. She wasn't comfortable lying to him. But this was where everything hinged. They could tell him the truth; he might not believe them, but then maybe he would. Maybe he knew of something similar that had happened before, this was the wizarding world after all. He might know how to fix it all, to send them back, and it could be as if it never happened. Their brief stint within the mind of J.K. Rowling. But _what if_, she could feel a voice whispering at the back of her mind. What if. What if they were sent there for a reason? What if they had some purpose to fulfil, something that only they could do, armed with the knowledge of all seven books? Admittedly she could have just read too much fanfiction about exactly this situation but she knew from the look Addy was throwing her that she felt the same way. They couldn't just go back, not now. Not after what they'd been through, what they'd seen. They needed time to work this out; some way to stay.

'It's just us' Ella finally replied, 'we were the only ones to make it here'. It was ambiguous enough and she hoped Florean would take the bait and read into it what they needed him to.

'There's no one we can go to for help,' Addy added, and as she said the words she realised, not for the first time that night, just how true they were. Their family might not be dead, as they were horrifically implying (she could feel the guilt rolling off of Ella the moment the insinuation left her lips), but they weren't here. Maybe they weren't even alive yet, she realised with a start. She hadn't bothered to work out the maths, but the moment she saw young Regulus and realised who he was, she knew they weren't in their own timeline anymore. Quickly thinking back to the books, she remembered Regulus was supposed to be presumed dead when he was eighteen or so. The young man they'd seen in Knockturn Alley hadn't been much younger than that, maybe sixteen or seventeen, not a death eater _yet_. So, it was at least the mid-late seventies. Wow. Just Wow. An image of Dumbledore sporting flares and an untamable mullet came unbidden to her mind and she almost snorted in amusement, before the truth of the matter sobered her up.

So, her parents were children, and her sister - didn't exist.

The grief that washed over her then must have been obvious in her face because Florean reached out to place a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, eyes mirroring hers as if to communicate that he, too, had felt a similar pain. He knew that loss.

'Well,' Florean cleared his throat thickly as Addy blinked away the moisture in her eyes. 'You girls stay with me for now, whilst we figure out what we're doing. I've got a spare room upstairs and you both look like you could do with a full day in bed. Especially after that healing.' He looked at Ella then, probably attributing the relieved look on her face to the thought of finally getting to lie down. Addy knew it was more likely due to the fact that they wouldn't need to lie to Florean any more today, not right now at least. That they'd have time to think through their story, time to just _think,_ and no longer running around with no idea what they were doing.

Florean led them up two flights of stairs, ushering them into an attic room. The ceiling was low, but neither of them were exactly Amazons, and whilst the furnishings were basic they were incredibly cozy. There was only the one bed but with a quick flourish of his wand Florean magicked another out of thin air and before they knew it they were both under the covers, melting into the soft warmth of sleep.

* * *

***Fun Fact: most cobblestone streets in Britain come from the Roman period.** _(She seriously googled this for you guys.)_

_**_ _We are in no way, shape, or form sponsored by Pringles. _**However**,** if they are offering - **_No. _


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note

_What's new pussycat?_

**Tom Jones. Nice. Bringing a little classic culture into the mix.**

_We hope you're enjoying the story so far._

**And if not, well, tough tits really.**

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**Anyway, onwards good brothers! To the chapter.  
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* * *

**Chapter Three:** The Part Where We Descended from Hippies

As it turns out, falling through a vortex of time and space can knock you out better than three mugs of lemsip*. It wasn't until early afternoon that the girls awoke, and even then, it was unwillingly. They were jolted from their slumber by the most devious and dastardly of parties: the English summer sun. A myth to some, this devilish entity, weak as a poorly brewed pot of tea, was brighter than it had any business being. It crept through the gaps in the blinds, spilling eagerly onto their faces like… well, insert your own simile.

The girls were both still achy from their impromptu dalliance with the cobblestones the night before, although Addy was undoubtedly doing better than her counterpart, limbs sore but functional. Ella's shoulder was much better than it had been but was continuing to cause her grief. She could still feel the shock of the injury in her nerves and knew that it would be a couple of days until the sensation passed.

'Crikey, it feels like I've downed a bottle of Ogden's finest,' Addy complained, legs buckling as she tried to get out of bed. She tried once more:

'_Oof.'_

Addy then dropped back on the mattress and decided to lay back down. It must be a sign, she thought.

'-and done a couple of rounds in the ring with a Norwegian Ridgeback,' Ella groaned in agreement, pulling the covers over her head. Her eye twitched irritably at the morning sun. She'd never been much of a summer fan. For her, the season was quite obnoxious; the spoiled favourite child. Ella preferred the subtle chill of winter, with its gothic minimalism and morning frosts never failing to make her reach for her sketchbook.

They lay there for a minute or two in silence, neither one of them wanting to move.

'I suppose this is still happening then.' Addy said after a while, staring up at the ceiling. It was pretty unremarkable all things considered, coated in a thick layer of white matte. Not especially magic at all.

'Yeah,' Ella replied, voice muffled through the fabric. 'I guess so.'

She poked her head out from the duvet, thinking back to the last couple of hours. It was, undoubtedly the craziest thing that had ever happened to her. Including Addy's seventeenth birthday party, which involved a forest, some firelighters and eighteen tubes of Pringles.** (Of assorted flavours.)

'We're sticking with our story then,' she added. 'About the attack.'

'It's the most reasonable explanation. You know what they said in Prisoner of Azkaban_. "Awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time"_. What about muggles who mess with time, space, the ability to do magic… Because I don't know about you pal, but I've never encountered a mystical ice-cream shop before.' Addy said.

'You've also never encountered a duck-billed platypus before. Doesn't mean they weren't there.'

'Well, if any creature's going to be a myth. It'd be that one.'

'You know what I mean though,' Ella affirmed, pushing off her covers with renewed purpose. 'We definitely need to invest some time looking into what happened last night, and how it happened.' She stretched, groaning a little at her aching shoulder, before continuing. 'It can't be some mad coincidence that we're here. We've sat in your living-room countless times, wasting our lives away in front of that TV-'

'-ah, you've been spending time with my Grandma, I see.'

'-and nothing of the sort has ever happened before. Not even a hint of magic; other than scoring those two for one tickets we got for that rescreening of Deathly Hallows Part 2 at the Kinema.*** _Crap!_'

She turned to Addy, eyes wide and looking like her cat had just been run over. (Her cat had in fact, been run over many times. He was not the sharpest of kitties. Nine lives, baby.)

'We're going to miss it now!'

'Well, I mean. Technically we haven't missed it yet. We're actually forty years or so early.'

'_WAIT!_' Ella sat up in a violent, jerky movement, having clearly forgotten about her still aching shoulder and wincing as she clutched at it with her hand.

'What?' Addy looked around, panicked, half expecting to see Voldemort standing in the doorway with a cup of tea in one hand and a croissant in the other. (Is Voldemort a pastry guy? _Hm_. He always seemed more of a full English kind of bloke. Or a feast on the flesh of your dead enemies, drink their blood out of skulls man. Y'know, your everyday Joe.)

'Addy' Ella's hushed whisper wouldn't have been out of place at a funeral, voice dripping with emotion. '...The books haven't been written yet!'

'Bloody tits,' Addy gasped, looking momentarily distraught before a sneaky look found its way onto her face. 'So, what you're saying is, there's a gap in the market for wizard-based antics...'

Ella's gaze became fondly stern. 'You are _not _plagiarising Harry Potter and passing them off as your own. We have talked about this!'

'Pfft. Stick in the mud.' Addy coughed.

'But in all seriousness, this is going to make it much harder to pass ourselves off here. Without the books for reference…' Addy could see the cogs whirring in Ella's mind as she tried to work her way around this new and rather monumental obstacle in their path.

The two girls paused, looking round the room as if hoping something might jump out at them and help solve their dilemma. Preferably a copy of all seven books (or, alternatively, another vortex back home). Unsurprisingly, the room yielded little beyond its pale yellow walls that were glowing faintly in the warm sunlight. The decor was slightly dated, the kind of heavy wooden furniture that your grandparents refused to replace because it was 'sturdy' and that pretentious hipsters forked out far too much money for because it maintained their 'vintage' aesthetic. Ella's eyes zeroed in on what looked suspiciously like a woollen Hufflepuff scarf draped carefully over the wardrobe door, as if it had been placed there only the night before, ready to be plucked and worn to a Hogwarts quidditch game. She wasn't sure why, but a sharp pang of sadness pierced through her thoughts. The room was full, knick-knacks dotted along shelves, a shaggy black rug covering the floor. Yet it felt empty, even with her and Addy's residence there. Something vital was missing; something important and loved. Ella noted for the first time the thick layer of dust over everything that had Addy's nose twitching irritably; this room clearly hadn't been used in a while.

'Hm. We need to work out some sort of plan' she continued, eyes still drawn to the scarf. 'This, well. It's all new to us, and we can't afford slip ups.'

'I can guarantee you now, we will slip up, at any given moment.'

'Well, we need to play it off with style then; act like this is all normal to us. After all, we've never experienced magic, not even a decent card trick.' She shook her head a little before turning to her friend. 'I remember the summer you tried to learn sleight of hand, you were flipping pants at it.'

'Hey, you said I was getting pretty good!' Addy cried indignantly, oblivious to her friend's conflicting emotions, and sitting up on the bed with outrage.

'I was lying to spare your feelings.' Ella deadpanned. 'We hadn't known each other that long. Your Cher impression is also terrible.'

Addy gasped. 'You take that back!'

Ella smiled cheekily. 'Only if you take back all of the hours that I lost listening to you butcher _Believe._'

Before Addy could reply with something suitably dramatic, the girls heard a faint knock on the door. It opened, revealing Florean still dressed to the nines in his red and white apron. His hair was haphazardly ruffled, but his face was calm. He was holding a stack of freshly washed and pressed clothes, warm caramel eyes glancing tentatively at the girls, before he realised that they were awake and smiled.

'Thought I'd lend these to ya,' he said, accent a curious combination of a young baritone and an old Yorkshire farmer. Addy noted that he wouldn't be out of place among the boys in Emmerdale. 'They were my mother's, but she wasn't too tall, so they should fit you alright.'

Ella nodded appreciatively, completely at peace with the fact that the growth spurt her own mother had been promising her since she was twelve was a lost cause. Addy, on the other hand, clutched her hand to her chest.

'Excuse you, but five foot six is the average height for a woman in the UK.' _Or at least it will be, in forty years_, she thought to herself.

'I meant no offence,' he smiled good-naturedly. 'What do you think that you girls'll be doing today?'

The pair looked at each other.

'If I'm honest Florean,' Addy began 'we have no bloody clue. We're a bit up creek without a paddle here, you see.'

Ella nodded, fiddling with the blue cotton duvet. 'We have no clothes, no money. No possessions besides the leopard-print blanket cape that Addy managed to keep hold of. Which, in all its magnificence, isn't actually worth that much.'

They turned to the item in question, which was crumpled up next to Addy in some semblance of a fold. They could probably flog that for a fiver if they gave it a good iron.

'I guess I could sell my earrings,' Addy said. 'They'd be worth a few bob, they're silver.'

'Hm. Possibly,' Ella agreed distractedly, 'or…' she tried to think of something that she, herself, could peddle. Her slippers were worthless, and she'd been wearing her quidditch jersey to bed for so long it looked more like a potato sack than anything else. Her eyes caught a glance of the chain she wore around her neck, one that she never took off. Dangling off the end was a very old and very battered gold ring, the setting hammered around a deep green stone. The stone itself probably wasn't all that valuable, plucked from a beach by her grandfather, but the gold might get them a few galleons. 'I could…'

'No man, that's a last resort.' Addy told her. 'Earrings and blanket-cape first. Items of sentimental value a very, very distant second.'

Florean had been surveying the girls, and at this he cleared his throat.

'Girls.' The look he gave them was almost stern. 'Did you really think I would send you on your way with nowt but a fresh pair of clothes and that leopard-print...whatever?'

'Honestly Florean, we wouldn't blame you,' Addy said. 'You've already been incredibly kind to us. We could have been any old schmos. Actually, you should probably have a higher regard for your own personal wellbeing. We could have shanked you in your sleep.'

'But obviously we didn't' Ella quickly interjected, throwing Addy an exasperated look 'Because we are nice people, and nice people don't shank others in their sleep.'

'You know what, you're a bloody flag-pole in the great dirty earth.' Addy remarked.

Florean cleared his throat yet again, louder this time, and the two girls looked back at him sheepishly. 'As I was _trying_ to say, I'm not turning you girls out with nothing and no-one to help. It wouldn't be right. My Ma' would have never let me hear the end of it.'

'Well, thank your Ma' from us.' said Addy, smiling.

Ella was looking at Florean hopefully, 'But you don't even know us.'

Florean turned to Ella with a soft smile. 'No, but I pride myself on having a good sense about people, and you two don't strike me as liars' Ella felt a stab of guilt at this. 'Or crazed lunatics plannin' to shank me in my sleep' at this he gave Addy a slightly wary look, not entirely unwarranted. 'Now, I don't know what you girls have gotten yourselves into, but you can stay a couple of days here while you get on your feet. No funny business, mind'. I know what you teens get up to these days, with all your-' he caught himself. 'Merlin, I'm starting to sound like my father.'

He shook himself off quickly. 'Well I'll leave you to get sorted. Bathroom is just downstairs and to the right, there's fresh towels and everything in the airing cupboard. Come find me down in the shop when you're done and we'll sort out what we're doing next.'

Twenty minutes later the two girls walked into Florean's parlour, hair wet and smelling vaguely of coconut shampoo. Ella swatted at Addy who was attempting, for the third time since she'd exited the shower, to feed herself her own hair.

'Addy, stop it!'

'But it smells so delicious!' Addy replied. 'I'm not convinced he isn't using his stock for toiletries as well.'

'Hello girls,' Florean greeted them cheerfully, turning away from 'his conversation with a young sandy haired witch who looked most put out at the interruption. 'Feeling better?'

'Much. You've got magic pipes Florean.'

'Not a euphemism.' Addy said, winking at the witch who was sat, huffing irritably.

'Glad to hear it,' he replied. 'Now, It's a busy day today. We always get the rush around lunchtime and I'm not going to be able to step away from the shop until close, otherwise I'd take you round Diagon Alley myself to get you some bits and bobs.'

'Florean, really it's fine -' Ella began, before Florean held up a hand to quiet her.

'No, no. I said I was going to help, and I meant it. If you girls don't mind goin' round by yourself, I need you to get a couple of bits for me as well while you're there.'

At this he reached into his pocket, drawing out a handful of heavy-looking silver and gold coins which he held out to them.

'You'll be needing to visit Madam Malkins, she'll get you some clothes. If you could pick up my robes while you're there, that'd be handy. I also need you to go to Slug and Jiggers, that's the apothecary. I'm out of selkie scales, but don't worry. He knows my order.'

Florean suddenly looked as if he had remembered something important and gave them both an appraising stare. 'I haven' seen you girls carrying around your wands?'

Ella felt herself freeze at that. Wands. She knew they had forgotten something. Of course he would be wondering where their wands were; two young women, turning up in Diagon Alley and knowing exactly where they were. Of course he would assume they were witches, that they had magic.

'Our parents didn't believe in wands...' Addy said, immediately regretting her words as Florean's eyebrows rose so high they all but disappeared into his hairline. 'They uh, they were pretty new age.'

'What she means,' Ella followed with a pointed look at Addy who ducked her head sheepishly, 'Is that our parents didn't believe in carrying around our wands whilst we were still underage. Especially with this one,' she jerked her head at Addy. 'The temptation would kill her.'

'Yeah, we were home-schooled you see. We, well. We didn't get out much. Didn't learn that much either to be honest. They were pretty shoddy teachers. I got more about magic from this book series we read than my family. I mean. _Our_ family.'

'How exactly are you girls related?' Florean asked, eyes jumping from Ella's wild blonde curls to Addy's thick, slightly auburn-tinted hair.

The pair looked at each other.

'Cousins.' Addy uttered, at the exact same time as Ella went 'sisters.'

He looked at them sceptically.

'Well, we're cousins, but we're close enough to be sisters.' Addy rushed out, clearly trying to make up for the wand mishap earlier. 'Our parents were really close, so we were around each other a lot growing up'.

'Right.' Ella wasn't sure if Florean entirely believed their poorly constructed excuses, and when he began to move away from them a feeling of dread settled in her stomach. This was it, they'd barely made it a day in the wizarding world and they'd been found out. Florean was clearly off to alert the Ministry about two dangerous (_well,_ incompetent and possibly unhinged) individuals who had stolen into his shop and charmed him (_well,_ guilted him) into giving them free ice-cream and a place to sleep.

Not a moment later, however, Florean returned with another handful of galleons. 'Look, get yourselves a wand each while you're out. This is not the climate to be roaming around unarmed, which, from the state of yourselves last night, you know all too well. Go get lunch while you're at it. The Leaky Cauldron is good for a hearty meal. Tell Tom I sent you, he'll knock a bit off the price.'

With that, the bell on the shop door chimed and a gaggle of excited ten-year-olds came barrelling towards the counter, with their harassed-looking parents trailing after them, arms piled high with colourful purchases. The girls waved a quick goodbye to Florean and rushed out, shouting their thanks for the money as they went.

'God we are in way over our heads' Ella gulped when they were a safe distance away.

'Tell me about it.' Addy agreed, looking back at the shop. She could see Florean in there, serving several customers at once, cheery smile on his face all the while. 'What a nice man.'

Ella turned to her suddenly and whacked her round the head.

'_Ouch! _Dude what was that for?!'

'_Our parents didn't believe in wands?!_'

'Ah, yeah, fair. Not my best.' Addy nodded in agreement. 'You know I can only lie to authority figures. Florean's too much of marshmallow. I just want to squeeze him.'

'Do you think he has marshmallow ice-cream?' Ella asked, somewhat distracted as she gazed back over her shoulder.

'Well, I mean. The man has spinach and walnut flavoured ice-cream, it's safe to assume he probably stocks marshmallow as well.'

'True, true.' Ella agreed, before fumbling around in her pockets for the list Florean gave them. 'Right, Madam Malkins first. Then I say we stop and have lunch at the Leaky Cauldron- _ooh_, we could try butterbeer!'

'Yes, finally a beverage that tastes like a Werther's Original.****'

Addy looked round at the street. Unlike this morning when it had been just them, tired and bleeding, Diagon Alley was now full, rich and bustling with people. She spotted the joke shop Gambol and Japes immediately, with a huge sign stating: 'ON OFFER: DUNGBOMBS, 3 FOR A SICKLE', with a miniature chalk-drawn grenade that exploded into different colours every twenty seconds or so. Standing proudly opposite it, on the North side of Diagon Alley, was Quality Quidditch Supplies. The building was huge, with extravagant glass windows framed with Gryffindor red window-sills. It had a display that boasted the all new Nimbus 1000, the fastest broom on the market.

The two were pointedly ignoring the whole wand issue, not even daring to glance down the other end of the street where they knew from last night they would find the somewhat subdued display of Ollivanders, as if through one look alone the entire wizarding world would know that they were frauds.

'Don't suppose you fancy splitting the cash and getting a racing broom, do you?' Addy asked, only half-joking as she tried to alleviate some of the mounting tension.

'I think we're going to need more than a quick broom to get out of this one' Ella quipped back with a nervous smile, and the two headed off down the alley. 

* * *

*_Lemsip is this fairly gross hot drink/cough syrup thing you take when you've got a sore throat or a cold or what have you. _**My dad loves the stuff.**

****Again, we swear we don't have a sponsorship. I just have a problem. **

***** **_The Kinema_ – **or to give it is full name, the Kinema in the Woods (go on, guess where it is. I dare you) **\- _ is this amazing 1920s style cinema in Woodhall Spa, England, which has remained open since 1922. Every showing has an intermission with a funky piano playing by itself or a very talented man with an organ (not a euphemism) depending on which screen you're in. _**For Doctor Who fans, they also have a Dalek in the corner. Just creepin'.**

**** **Werther's Originals are bloody brilliant. They're a German hard butter sweet that every Grandmother (and I) keep a collection of. **_Hit me up with a Werther's any day of the week._


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note

_Hello… is it me you're looking for?_

**Starting off with a bit of Lionel as an apology note. I like it.**

_Well if you're gonna do it right, you gotta do it with Lionel. Not a euphemism._

**So, sorry about dropping off the face of the earth. We had to fund our frivolous and elaborate lifestyles.**

_I.e. We got summer jobs because we have a combined total of £23.46 to our name._

**Sad, but true.**

_We are also incredibly studious individuals who dedicate our free time to preparing for the next academic year. Absolutely. Why are you questioning this._

**Yes. Studying… Anyway, onto the next chapter.**

_We're really sorry it's so late, but hopefully the next few chapters will make up for it! Adult life am I right?_

**What is this 'adult life' that you speak of?**

_We hope that you enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Four:** The Part Where Trevor the Toad Makes an Early Appearance

* * *

Madame Malkin's, as it turned out, was fairly easy to spot; if not because of the pleasant lilac exterior then almost certainly because of the crowds of frustrated parents all attempting to drag whining pre-teens in for a uniform fitting.

'But I don't _need_ new robes, my old ones still fit me fine!'

'Don't be ridiculous, Charles. They're already halfway up your ankles! If we leave it any longer you'll be wearing them as a necklace.'

Easing their way through many similarly dramatic scenes of struggle, Ella and Addy made it across the threshold of the shop only to be confronted with the most agitated woman they had ever met.

'Uniforms, yes? Right, up onto the pedestal. Quickly now, you're not the only ones I have to see to!'

Before either of them had chance to protest, Madame Malkin was flapping at them violently with her hands in an attempt to shimmy them along. Addy barely managed to duck to avoid getting whacked in the face with the rather long and trailing sleeves of the witch's robes, which were currently whipping back and forth through the air like a couple of lassos.

'Actually -' Ella started, before her waist was pulled so tight by a measuring tape she could barely breathe, her eyes watering as a rather unattractive wheezing noise replaced what she had been about to say.

'It's always the same way,' Madame Malkin said, as if continuing a previous conversation. 'Every summer, hundreds of parents turning up and always forgetting that it's just me and my little shop. A rush order, I ask you! Like it isn't still six weeks to go until school starts. It's not my fault their quadruplets all had a growth spurt!'

Continuing to measure Ella with one hand, her other grasped her wand and flicked it at a second measuring tape resting on a chair to the side of them. The tape immediately took on a life of its own and whizzed up to Addy, who eyed it half-suspiciously and half in wonder as it began to move around her.

'And the nerve of that man! Asking if I'd thought of using a gradual growth enchantment on my fabric. As if I don't know perfectly well that Mrs O'Connery tried that last December on her son's robes. The poor boy was nearly suffocated by them in the end.'

Addy wanted desperately to ask how large the robes had gotten, but managed to reign in the instinct. She had a feeling it would only rile Madame Malkin up further (and quite frankly, the woman was already terrifying).

'Right, dears' Madame Malkin said, slightly more camly. 'That's all done then. If you want to hop down I'll go have a look for some robes in your sizes. Won't be a moment.'

Before she could rush off, Ella hastened to correct her. 'Actually, Madame Malkin, we're not here for Hogwarts robes.'

'Not here for Hogwarts robes?' Madame Malkin repeated back to her, looking as if she wasn't sure what other reason could bring two teenagers into her shop in the middle of the summer holidays.

'We were hoping to just get some, er, _normal_ robes. Just casual day to day robes?' Having never ordered clothes from a magical seamstress before, Ella wasn't entirely sure what she should be asking for. She gulped a little at the confused look that crossed the witch's face.

'And here I thought the current fashion for you young ones was those awful muggle clothes?'

'Well, er, yes, it is. Yes. Absolutely. Everyone's wearing muggle clothes. And that's why we thought we'd go back to traditional robes...?' Ella stammered.

'Break the mould, so to speak.' Addy offered.

'Yes, exactly.' Ella replied, relieved. 'Return to proper wizarding values and such. Set the example for our peers.'

Madame Malkin's eyes darted between the two of them, clearly trying to determine if this was a practical joke of some sort, before coming to life with such passion it sent the animated measuring tape scuttling behind the counter.

'_Finally_, a couple of young people with their heads screwed on right! I will never understand the appeal of those dreadful garments; either too baggy or too tight, with horrible slogans and such on them. Absolutely ridiculous. I don't know what this rolling stone is that everyone is obsessed with, but these days I can't walk down the street without people advertising it everywhere on their chests!'

Ella winced internally at that. Clearly Madame Malkin had never heard Mick Jagger's haunting vocals for _Wild Horses_. And don't even get her started on Keith Richards.

'We completely agree!' Addy replied 'These rolling stones and zeppelins made of lead. Not even spelled correctly! Absolutely terrible.'

'Oh, this is so exciting! Well dears, If you'll follow me I'll show you the fabric selection we have at the minute.' She smiled at the girls, her stern expression momentarily softening before she glanced at Ella, adopting a critical eye. 'I think a pleated bottom for you… Yes, that would work. And for you…' She paused a minute, looking at Addy. 'Maybe something more flared? Hmm. Let's get to work.'

They spent the next hour playing around with the hundreds of samples Madame Malkin kept at the back of the shop, gazing with wonder at the magic overflowing even from these tiny scraps of fabric. Ella was mesmerised by a deep blue velvet, so dark it was almost black, and decorated with an astronomically perfect map of the night sky. Each star winked up at her, each spiral galaxy whirling slowly as she ran the fabric through her fingers. Addy, on the other hand, was having worlds of fun watching a forest come to life on a brown and burnt orange background. Deer were chasing foxes, trees were swatting at nosy birds, and badgers were having showdowns with overconfident squirrels.

Eventually the two made their choices and informed Madame Malkin, who gave them each a sheet of parchment and told them to return in a couple of hours to collect their order. Ella mentally decided to pick up Florean's robes then also, to give them a little time to prepare for whatever questions Madame Malkin would surely fire their way about who exactly Florean was to them. Or better yet, what they were to him. His younger cousins? Nieces? Random strangers who turned up on the street? They had better sort out how much they wanted to reveal to others, and fast. When she conveyed this to Addy as they left the shop, the other girl put on what could only be called her 'mysterious Dumbledore thinking face', pretending to stroke a magnificent imaginary beard all the way down to her borrowed belt and back.

'Hmm... This _is_ a bag of dicks,' she offered. 'Perhaps we could tell people that we're part of an exchange programme? Students at a fancy pants overseas wizarding school staying with an English family over the summer, and Florean was lucky winner number one?'

'Maybe…' Ella considered this, weighing up the pros and cons. 'But then won't people get suspicious that they've never heard of the exchange programme before? Plus, we don't speak any other languages.'

'Speak for yourself, my German is bloody magnificent.'

'Addy, being able to say 'is that a wand in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me' in German is not the same as being fluent.'

'Okay, but what else do I need to know?'

'Anyway, I think we might be jumping the gun a bit. We don't even know how long we're going to be staying. It could be that whatever brought us here goes ahead and yanks us right back any second. We need to try and figure out exactly what happened.'

Addy, who knew exactly what blend of Luna and Hermione her friend was, could have put money on what she said next.

'We need a library!'

Should have put money on it, Addy thought to herself with a grin and a slight roll of her eyes. Ella looked around excitedly, before deflating a little bit.

'Dammit. I don't think Rowling ever wrote about there being a library in Diagon Alley. Just at Hogwarts.'

Addy frowned, realising Ella was right. The books never said anything about there being a public wizarding library (granted it probably wouldn't have been the first thing to stick in her mind if they had. She loved a good book, but there were too many dragons and werewolves and general shenanigans occurring for that to take front and centre). Surely there must be something, _somewhere_ outside of Hogwarts though, for all the self-confessed nerds like Ella who couldn't cope during the holidays without access to new reading material every day...

'Hang on just a titting minute!' Addy exclaimed excitedly. 'What about Flourish and Blotts? It's not going to be as well stocked as a library, but they might be able to point us in the right direction.'

'Addy, you're brilliant! I can't believe I never thought of Flourish and Blotts.'

'I am brilliant, that's correct. And well, you know me, not thinking outside the box so much as strapping the box to a rocket and flying it into the nearest supernova.'

'They must have some books on time magic, maybe even spells that create alternate realities. If that _is_ what happened to us. At the very least they could tell us if something like this has ever happened before, ever been written about.'

'To Flourish and Blotts?'

'To Flourish and Blotts!'

* * *

Ten minutes later, and their enthusiasm couldn't be curbed. Not even by Trevor the less than helpful assistant.

'As far as I was aware, time magic has never been part of the Hogwarts syllabus' Trevor sniffed out in a haughty voice, his slicked back hair looking quite oily in the gaslight that illuminated the bookshop. 'Far too risky. Too much potential to give students _ideas_.' At the last word he looked down his rather prominent nose at them in such a way as to fully demonstrate his thoughts on the _ideas_ of reckless, book-hating teenagers like themselves. That made Ella snort a little. He couldn't be much older than twenty-two or twenty-three himself.

'Now just hang on - ' Addy began, before Ella smoothly cut across her.

'Oh of course, quite right too. Far too dangerous to actually learn how to _do_ time magic. No, we just wanted to understand the craft as a whole. Reading into the history of time magic, that sort of thing. We find it all incredibly fascinating.'

Trevor's thin mouth pressed firmly together, eyes narrowing as he glanced from girl to girl.

'Well. We do have a section devoted to the more arcane arts, time travel and such among them. I can show you too it if you wish. Of course, those texts are some of the priciest of our collection.' He arched an eyebrow at this, clearly doubting their ability to afford such high-calibre items.

'Wonderful, we'll take a look please.' Ella replied with a civil smile, her own eyebrows rising ever so slightly to match his. Challenge accepted.

With a '_hmmmph'_ Trevor led them to a corner at the back of the shop where he indicated a tall bookshelf surrounded by several glass cabinets, housing what Ella supposed were the most rare and expensive books.

'You should find everything you need here. If you wish to take a look at any of the locked texts you will need to inform myself or another member of staff. Do be careful, these books are not something you can replace with pocket money alone.' With that he turned on his heel and began walking swiftly back to his seat of power at the front of the shop, nose slightly in the air.

'What a dickbag. That dude needs to chill the heck out.' Addy burst out indignantly, evidently having been holding herself back the entire time. 'I mean what does he think we're going to do? Start building a fort out of them?' Her eyes suddenly glazed over with the prospect of a new idea. '_Ella -_'

'No, Addy,' Ella stopped her short, an amused look on her face. 'We can't build a fort out of the very expensive books. Remember, _they can't be replaced with pocket money alone_.' She stuck her nose up in the air, donning the expression of someone who had just stood in dog poo (which she had unfortunately done many times. Having three dogs can be a real hassle sometimes).

'We could always charge for entrance into our fort? Get a little profit going?'

'I think we might send Trevor into an early grave if we tried.'

'Bloody Trevor.' Addy paused, brows furrowing. 'Trevor. Where have I heard that name before?'

'It's not particularly unusual Ad, he's hardly called Fifi Trixibelle or-'

'_Trevor!_ Neville's toad. Oh this has opened up so many avenues. Ella, I'm not sure the world is ready for all the amphibian-based jokes I've got planned.'

'God help us.' Ella replied with a grin, before turning to the shelves with a more sober expression. 'Right, we need to work out some sort of system. Maybe a pile for the books about time travel, and another for anything else we find that we think could help?'

'Sounds good to me. Let's crack this egg.'

Forty-five minutes later, however, and they didn't have two piles of books so much as twelve piles, and counting.

'Bloody hell, by the time we finish reading all these we'll need time magic just to go back to when we weren't old and grey!' Addy exclaimed somewhere to Ella's right, hidden behind piles number five and six.

'I know, I didn't expect them to have so many! It won't all be useful, of course, but at least we have a lot to be going on with. There must be something in one of these books that can help us.' Exactly what 'help' meant, however, was changing hourly for the two girls. Last night it would have been something that could reverse what had happened and send them home. Ella wasn't so sure that an immediate escape route was what they both wanted anymore.

'How the heck are we going to pay for all this though?' Addy made her way around the piles and dropped onto the floor next to Ella. 'Florean seems a pretty top bloke, but I'm not sure he'd be willing to sell half his ice-cream shop just so we can buy a few books.'

'Well, we'll have to figure something out. I suppose we could get jobs? Florean might be willing to let us work in the parlour. Of course, that's assuming he's letting us stay with him that long.' Ella's brow furrowed in worry. She had been too busy just making it through the day and finding answers she hadn't thought about the more obvious problems they were dealing with. Like making sure they had somewhere to sleep, not living on the streets, that kind of thing.

'There's no way he would just turn us out.' Addy replied firmly. 'Anyone who takes in two randos, one looking like she'd just walked off the set of _Carrie_, feeds them delicious ice-cream and then gives them money to purchase new clothes is someone my grams liked to call 'a good chicken'. Or an absolute bloody fool.'

'Do you mean a good egg?' Ella questioned, her lips twitching with the effort to hold back a smile.

'...Nope, I definitely mean a good chicken. Think about it, it's the chicken that gives you all the delicious eggs, day after day. What good is one lousy egg compared to an egg machine?'

Pleased with her reasoning, Addy nodded triumphantly to herself just as Ella descended into her own particular brand of silent laughter, rocking herself back and forth on the floor and nearly knocking over pile three in the process.

'What? It isn't funny! I was making a serious point there!' Addy prodded her friend, looking slightly put out. 'Although I suppose my Grandma wasn't the most reliable source. She is a certified alcoholic - I'm actually surprised she hasn't pickled at this point.'

'_What on earth have you done!' _

The two girls hadn't heard Trevor approach, but judging from the look on his face he was _not_ a happy bunny. To Addy's utter delight, however, he did resemble more than ever the toad which would come to share his name . His eyes were bulging as they surveyed the book piles before him, and his mouth kept opening and closing in shock. Or possibly anger. Or maybe just general disbelief. They should have just built the damn fort, Addy thought. He might have actually turned green.

'Ah, Trevor,' Ella quickly got to her feet, wiping the tears of laughter that had escaped her. 'Yes. We had a lot of success, as you can see.'

'All I see is an utter contempt for the organisational system of this shop!' Trevor's voice grew steadily higher and higher in pitch as he clutched at his heart. 'No respect whatsoever amongst you...you...hoodlums! Have you any idea how long this will take to put everything back in its proper place?'

'About two seconds, surely?' Addy replied, looking confused. 'You know, wave your magic wand and hey presto, sorted.'

'Well that's…' Trevor appeared to be struggling with an answer to this. 'That's beside the point! It's the principle of the matter.'

'Uh huh.' Addy deadpanned, throwing Ella a look that clearly said _can you believe this guy?_

'Trevor.' Ella put on her most placating voice. 'I completely appreciate what you're saying, but I made an exact note of where each text came from. I never had any intention of leaving your shop in such a state. Addy and I will happily put everything back before we go.'

Trevor grumbled something to himself but seemed slightly appeased. Addy, on the other hand, looked like someone had just swapped her Capri Sun with a beetroot and carrot smoothie. Before she could say anything to Ella, however, the other girl was struck with a sudden thought.

'Trevor, I don't suppose you know anything about the Potter family?' It was a long shot, but they needed to establish if this really was the timeline they believed it was, and more specifically when in the timeline they were. They'd seen Regulus, but nothing was certain with interdimensional time travel. Surely James and his parents must have been in the shop before?

'Of course I know the Potters,' Trevor drew himself to his full height and puffed his chest out impressively. 'One of the oldest wizarding families. They always ask for my assistance when buying young Master James' school textbooks. You must be around his age I suppose' He added dismissively, as if he were thirty years older than them rather than the more likely four or five. 'About to start your sixth year at Hogwarts?'

Ella and Addy looked at each-other excitedly. 'Sorry Trevor, but we really must rush off! We'll just put these back first of course.' Ella added hastily, catching the murderous look on the shop assistant's face.

'And I don't suppose you intend on buying anything, do you?'

'Well we're currently in what you might call a...reduced funds situation.' Addy said, giving him her best roguish grin. 'But once we've kitted ourselves up with jobs we'll definitely be back.'

'Very well. But you'd better return soon; it is against our policy to keep anything on hold, except for the most _distinguished customers_.' With a look that said he clearly did not view the two of them with such honour, he left them to it.

'Well isn't he just a ray of sunshine?' Ella mused aloud, glancing after Trevor's retreating figure.

'Is he saying that we aren't distinguished? Oof. I'll show him _distinguish_-'

Ella yanked Addy by the collar and pulled her over to the piles of books.

'Defend our honour later, this might take a while.'

* * *

'C'mon Ella, if I don't get a butterbeer soon I might actually implode.'

'You haven't had a butterbeer for seventeen years, Addy. You can manage for five more minutes.'

'I haven't had the means before now Ella, everything has changed. I'm a new woman.'

Ella shook her head in amused exasperation. 'Florean asked us to collect his order from Slug and Jiggers, and after everything he's done for us it's the very least we can do. Anyway, it barely took ten minutes for Mr Jiggers to get everything together.'

'Ten minutes? I think we might have been talking to different men. Because I recall at least twenty minutes on the advantages of flobberworm mucus as a thickening agent alone.' Addy harrumphed in frustration. 'Then he started talking about his prized leeches. The man keeps leeches, Ella. _Leeches_.'

'I have to say, not my first choice for a pet. However, he did look to be about one-hundred-and-five, slightly anaemic, and he wore a top-hat indoors, so I'm not quite sure what kind of hobbies you'd expect from him.'

Having fulfilled all their other errands, the two were finally headed to the Leaky Cauldron for a spot of lunch and Addy's much anticipated butterbeer. As they walked through the door they noticed that the pub was fairly empty compared to the rest of the street, other than a few patrons who looked like they never gave up their seats at the bar, and a table of Armenian wizards in the back left corner who appeared to be playing a game of poker with a hunk of liver and three dragon claws.

They approached the bar, searching for some kind of menu. The dark mahogany of the countertop looked hard-wearing but abused, bearing the battle scars of thousands of customers over many decades. It had surely seen some things in its time, Ella thought to herself, running a finger gently over the many overlapping crescents etched deeply into the wood. She wondered if one belonged to Dumbledore, perhaps after a few too many firewhiskeys? Or maybe McGonagall on the gigglewater after a night with the girls?

Lost in her own thoughts, neither Ella nor Addy (who was still searching desperately for a menu; she was a growing girl, dammit!) noticed the presence looming behind them until a gruff throat-clearing had them jumping so violenting Addy nearly vaulted over the bartop.

'Can I 'elp?'

'Jesus bloody biscuits!' Addy clutched at her heart in a spectacular, if somewhat unintentional impression of Trevor the imperious shop assistant, as she gazed at the man standing before them.

The bald head and apparent lack of any teeth whatsoever clued her in immediately to who this must be, but Tom the Barman was very different in the flesh to how Addy had seen him portrayed. Rather than the hunched-over, sycophantic servant of the films, this Tom was broad and stocky, and looked like he could hold his own in a fight. He probably had, Addy realised. The Leaky Cauldron must have seen its fair share of bar brawls. He was also rather snappily dressed, Addy couldn't help noticing, in robes of pinstriped maroon and mustard (you do you Tom. You do you).

'Can I get you ladies anything?' Tom repeated, weathered face wrinkling in something like concern at the two girls who stood frozen before him.

'Er, yes. Yes, a table for two please?' Ella stammered out, embarrassed.

'And two butterbeers?' Addy tacked on hopefully.

'Of course, this way please ladies.'

Tom showed them to a table along the back wall, where he immediately summoned two butterbeers from behind the bar and placed them in front of the girls, followed by two glasses.

'Did you know this is the oldest pub in London?' Ella said, after Tom had left to place their food orders with the kitchen (there was no menu, as it turned out. One of the benefits of a magical pub, they did _everything_). Her eyes were sparkling in excitement as they took in the dimly lit interior.

'I read it on Wiki; apparently it was built in the 1500's by this witch, Daisy-something? Originally muggles could see it as well, but then when the International Statute of Secrecy was put into place they had to -'

'Hang fire right there my friend. As much as I'd love to hear more about your late-night dalliances with Wiki, I have a very important quest to complete.' Addy's sombre tone could not match the look of pure elation on her face as she brought the glass of butterbeer to her lips and, with the air of one drinking from the cup of life, took a sip.

'Well?' Ella asked, amused.

'Ella.' Addy's eyes widened as she smacked her lips together. 'I think I've found God.'

Ignoring her friend's stifled laughter, she took another sip and found her eyes closing in appreciation. The flavours danced along her tongue as the butterbeer warmed her throat from the inside. Caramel, chocolate, butterscotch - none of them quite fit. It was sweet, but not sickly; creamy, without being too heavy. The frothy layer at the top of the drink tingled slightly against her mouth as she took yet another sip. Butterbeer was officially Addy's new favourite drink.

'You know, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy.' Ella considered thoughtfully. 'Not even when Greggs* had that deal on. How many sausage rolls** did you buy again?'

'Twenty-six.' Addy replied, distracted. As she lifted her drink again, however, her eyes caught on something to her left.

It was an abandoned copy of the daily prophet, no doubt left by a previous customer. Addy reached across the aisle and snatched it up, a particular word on the front page holding her interest.

'Malfoy?' she gaped, unfolding the paper and glancing her eyes over the article.

_ABRAXAS MALFOY DONATES FUNDS FOR NEW WING OF DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES._

Below the headline a very haughty, sharp-faced wizard glared out at them with a dismissive, aloof expression on his face; as if making front-page news was just another factor of his day, and barely the most interesting. With his pale hair and even paler skin contrasting severely with the black velvet of his robes, Draco Malfoy's grandfather cut a rather ominous figure.

'Damn.' Addy whistled. 'No wonder Draco was such a spinless git. Lucius is like a puppy compared to him.'

'Let me have a look.' Ella reached out for the paper, quickly scanning the article. ' 'Abraxas Malfoy, Order of Merlin First Class, yada yada yada … yesterday demonstrated the true entrepreneurial spirit of his noble house when he made a significant contribution to the ministry's planned expansion of the Department of Mysteries … A true pioneer of discovery' - Ha! More like a stuck-up aristocrat wanting to expand his influence at the ministry.' Ella began to hand the paper back to Addy before noticing a much smaller and altogether more interesting heading.

_ATTACKS CONTINUE - MUGGLE DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE._

It was little more than a paragraph, detailing an increasing number of violent muggle killings, all suspected to have been carried out by witches and wizards. No names were provided, no warnings or indication that the attacks were being looking into. The whole article had a peculiar feel to it, squashed in between an advert for Mrs Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover and another that had been placed by a 'single, sensitive wizard seeking that special someone to share a cherry syrup and a conversation.'

'Addy, take a look at this -' Ella began, just as Tom returned with two laden, steaming plates of food.

'Steak and kidney pudding with extra roast potatoes,' he said as he placed the first plate in front of Addy. 'And the vegetable casserole with mash.' Ella sniffed the air appreciatively, stomach rumbling. She hadn't realised just how hungry she was.

'This looks amazing, thanks Tom.' Ella froze, realising that he had never actually given them his name. She needn't have worried, however, as just then the door to the pub banged open and Tom's attention, along with theirs, was suddenly riveted upon the new arrival.

'Hagrid my good man, how are you?' Tom walked swiftly up to the hairy half-giant and shook his hand good-naturedly.

Ella's eyes were so wide Addy was shocked they hadn't popped right out of her skull. _Hagrid_ she mouthed helpfully, just in case the other girl hadn't realised who the eleven-foot tall behemoth with the bushy brown beard was. She herself was of course handling this all very well - and was _absolutely not _wanting to go jump on his back and demand a piggy-back ride.

'A'righ Tom? Been keepin' well?'

'Same as always, Hagrid, same as always. Usual?'

'Ta, and a bit o' water fer Fang if yeh would. Actually, if yeh could slip a bit o' brandy in it I wouldn't say no, just to calm him down. Been jumpin' round something fierce. It's all the people, see, got him all excited. Firs' time out and about.'

'I'll see what I can do.'

Just as Tom turned to go fill Hagrid's order, Addy felt a tiny furry missile collide with their table, sending food and butterbeer flying.

'What in the knobs- ?' Addy spluttered, attempting to wipe what was left off her drink from her eyes. She felt it dribble slowly down her chin and onto her lap. Her brief stint with Jesus was over. She looked up at Ella, about to comment on the bit of mashed potato stuck in her hair when she caught the look of pure adoration on her friend's face.

'Puppy!'

That certainly changed the game. Following Ella's gaze, Addy came face to face with the culprit. A little on the larger side, the baby boarhound was looking up at them with an adorably sheepish expression, head tilted to one side as his tail _thump thumped_ on the flagstone ground. Ella immediately knelt on the ground before him, stroking his coal-black face as he licked the gravy from her sleeve.

'Fang! What've yeh done now yeh dozy dog!'

Hagrid ambled up to them, knocking over tables as he attempted to squeeze his massive frame up the narrow aisle.

'Bad Fang! I told yeh not to run off!' Hagrid turned to the two girls. 'I'm sorry, he's still on'y a puppy, I haven' had chance to train him up properly yet. Here, let me clean that for yeh.'

Before either of them could say anything Hagrid reached into his huge moleskin coat and pulled out one rather infamous pink flowery umbrella.

'_Scourgify_.'

As Hagrid pointed the umbrella at her, Addy felt the worst of the mess disappear. A layer of stickiness remained, and her clothes were still a little wet with butterbeer, but at least the food was gone. And she didn't have a pig's tail, which was always a bonus.

Plus, there was a puppy present, which was always ideal in her book.

Hagrid repeated the same for Ella, who said her thanks as she got to her feet, one hand still running through Fang's fur. He looked completely enamored with her, his tail nearly a blur as it whipped to and fro, tongue hanging out happily.

'Sorry 'bout that.' Hagrid repeated, looking embarrassed. 'It's his first trip into town, see. Get's all excited 'bout new people. I'll make sure to square it up with Tom, you girls won' have to pay for anything.'

'It's no problem.' Ella reassured him with a smile, finally managing to turn her attention away from Fang. 'I know how destructive puppies can be, believe me.'

'They're so cute they always get away with it. They're the ultimate master criminals.' Addy joked, taking the reins from Ella and giving a delighted Fang a much-needed belly rub. Dogs truly were excellent. She'd gotten over the shock of the Fang-grenade at this point and was now just appreciating the fact that she was having a conversation with _Rubeus Hagrid _while stroking _Fang_ of all puppies.

'Still, I shoulda made sure he was trained properly before I took him out in public. I just felt bad for him, alone in me' cabin. Thought he'd like a change o' scenery.' Hagrid explained earnestly, before a look of dread came over his face. 'I don' know how I'm going to cope when school starts up again. All those students, it'll be a nigh'mare.'

'You've still got plenty of time, don't worry!' Addy replied, leaning up to pat him on the arm. Well, the wrist. The man was _tall_. 'Six weeks, and he'll be a stunt-dog extraordinaire!'

Hagrid perked up a bit at this. 'Yeh. Yeh, you might be righ'' He gave the two girls a crinkly-eyed smile. 'Bet you're both excited to be goin' back to Hogwarts an' all? Best place in the world, if yeh ask me.'

'Well…' Addy began, looking to Ella for help.

'We're not actually Hogwarts students.' Ella explained, thinking back to what they'd told Florean that morning. 'Our family travelled abroad a lot you see, so we never actually attended a proper wizarding school.'

'Not Hogwarts students?' Hagrid repeated, as if he wasn't sure what they could mean. 'But surely yeh parents must have known that Hogwarts was the best place for yeh?'

'I'm sure they did,' Ella hastened to think of a good enough reason. '...but they were awfully protective of us, didn't want us doing any magic unless we needed to. We don't even have wands' she finished, somewhat lamely. How on earth were they going to convince anyone? She wouldn't believe herself.

'Well that doesn' seem right to me, parents keepin' their children from gettin' a proper magical education. Not - not everyone gets a chance.' Hagrid's tone saddened as he clutched his umbrella a little closer. 'S'far as I'm concerned, and Professor Dumbledore as well, anyone who wants to learn should be able teh.'

Ella felt something stir in the pit of her stomach, her heart clenching painfully for the gentle giant before her. Hagrid had gone through so much in his life, and Hogwarts was the one place that he had always had a home, somewhere he belonged. Even getting expelled couldn't keep him away. A sense of hope began to grow within her, hope and something she couldn't quite explain.

'Hagrid…' She began slowly, hardly daring to believe what she was about to say. 'if we decided we wanted to go, to attend Hogwarts I mean, would we be able to do you think?' She felt Addy's eyes upon her. 'I mean, do you think it would be too late?'

Hagrid gave her a knowing look, sadness receding as he smiled down at them. 'If I know Dumbledore - an' I like to think I'm one o' the few people that can really say that - ' at this he puffed his chest out slightly 'then I know that he'd say it was never too late. S'long as you've got the talent, Hogwarts always has a place for you.'

Ella wasn't sure how to reply, a mixture of uncertainty and excitement bubbling within her. They couldn't. Surely they couldn't. Could they?

'Well.' Addy broke the silence after a while, sounding like she'd just been hit over the head with a bludger. 'This has certainly given us a lot to think about. Thank-you Fang.'

* * *

***Greggs is a chain bakery we have here in the UK. Frequented by schoolkids and penniless adults alike.**

** **The best thing you can buy from a Greggs. Hands down.** _Also, we realise, not widely known outside the UK. It's a savoury pastry with a sausage in the middle. What more do you want in life._ **I am also partial to a baguette though.** _The sandwiches aren't half bad, tis true._


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note

**Back again so soon? Howdy.**

_We're so thrilled y'all are carrying on with this here story. I'm going to stop now. This isn't working for me._

**You can be an 1800's cowboy from the deep south if you want to be. I believe in you.**

_Darn tootin' I can be._

**Okay, that was a step too far.**

_If it's alright for Woody, it's alright for me._

**I fear Pixar may have given you a couple of unrealistic expectations in life.**

_You mean I can't be a talking cowboy with flowing ginger hair trying to locate my missing fish-son?_

**About your fish-son, I'm afraid I have some bad news.**

_Not the sharks?_

**This isn't the time or the place. We hope that you enjoy the chapter, I need to go and give my friend here a talk.**

_Just tell me it wasn't the sharks!_

**…**

* * *

**Chapter Five:** The Part Where Ollivander Nearly Takes Early Retirement

* * *

'So we're going to Hogwarts.'

Addy turned to Ella, a strange look on her face. Hagrid had not long left them with a cheerful grin and a 'I'll be seein' you in September', clearly unaware of the earth-shattering event his presence had just caused. Meeting Hagrid alone would have been enough to send them doo-lally, and add baby Fang to the mix and Addy wasn't sure Ella would ever recover. She was like a disney princess when it came to animals, she couldn't get enough of them and the feeling was mutual. And then Hogwarts. Which they were now apparently attending.

No big deal.

'Yes. Hogwarts.' Ella replied, voice slightly strangled. Addy coughed. Neither of them moved.

There was a pause, before: 'Well we should probably let Madam Malkin know we need some more robes after all.'

That was it. Suddenly they were screeching with unrestrained joy and clutching at each other as if to stop themselves from collapsing in pure excitement. Because any mention of attending Hogwarts and apparently they both turned into Victorian ladies, incapable of handling more than a thimbleful of emotion.

'The Hogwarts Express!'

'Defence Against the Dark Arts!'

'The Library!'

'_The food._'

'DUMBLEDORE!'

They could have stayed in their little bubble of excitement all day, at least until it sunk in a little more, but Ella gradually became aware of how much attention they had attracted from the Armenian wizards in the corner and the irritated looks Tom the barman was shooting their way. Squealing teenagers probably weren't the best for business.

Poor culinary hygiene and the grumpy looking goblin in the corner probably didn't help either.

'Okay,' Ella said, attempting to bring her voice back to an earthly volume. 'Right.'

Her grip on Addy's shirt loosened and she took a step back, fingers running through her hair before giving it a little yank to bring herself back to the present.

'So we're going to Hogwarts.` She couldn't help the thrill that jolted through her yet again at those words, but she quickly shook it off. They had so much they needed to do, and now they had a deadline. Only six weeks until the Hogwarts Express left Kings Cross Station. She felt her stomach drop then, as this new fact cut through her excited haze. _Six weeks_. How were they going to learn everything they needed to learn in six weeks?

Addy noticed the worry that had soured Ella's Hogwarts high.

'Hey, what's up?' she asked. ''Don't tell me you refuse to go to our dream school just because it's house elves who do all the cooking and cleaning. We've been through this. You know as well as I do all that spew stuff of Hermione's went down like a sack of potatoes.' Addy paused. 'No, wait. A sack of grindylows. I'm feeling my environment.'

'You know it's S.P.E.W, not spew!' Ella felt her lips quirk up slightly at Addy's attempt to lighten the tension (all joking aside, though, it really wasn't fair that the house elves did everything and never even got any credit. A good servant is an invisible servant indeed. She'd be having words with Dumbledore about that).

'Potato, po-tah-to.' Addy smirked. 'Grindylow, grin-da-low.'

'Stop,' Ella begged. 'Of all the people I could have been stuck here with!'

'Eh, you love it.' Addy tipped an invisible fedora.

Ella threw up her hands in exasperated amusement, smiling fondly at her friend, before the grin slowly slid from her face and her previous look of worry returned. 'In all seriousness, we have six weeks to get up to scratch on six years worth of education.'

'Sounds like my GCSE's.' Addy snorted.

'-not to mention we're not even sure if we have any magic. For all we know, we're muggles!' Ella continued before noticing the look on Addy's face. She was gearing up for a speech. 'I know, I know. You're wounded, we are wizards of the highest order, I have offended your forefathers etcetera etcetera…'

Addy stayed silent, a little put out that her dramatic moment had been stolen.

'But what if we _don't _have magic?' Ella asked quietly, a little more timidly than before.

'Ella, I've tasted your banana loaf- _not a euphemism - _if that's not magic, then I don't know what is!'

Despite this stellar reassurance, Ella couldn't help the nagging worry that was slowly eating away at the happiness Hagrid's presence had brought her. It wouldn't be _too _awful if they didn't have magic, she tried to reason with herself, unconvincingly. They could just say they were squibs, that they'd lied to Florean because they felt embarrassed. it just felt so _anticlimactic_. Something had brought them here. It just couldn't be that they were transported to the wizarding world and yet not meant have any magic themselves. They were meant to help. She knew it.

Well, she hoped anyway.

'Maybe we could attend as squibs?' Addy finally offered, watching her friend worriedly. 'We'd be more approachable caretakers than Filch anyway.'

Addy watched as Ella squared her shoulders back, having clearly reached some kind of internal epiphany. Thank tits for that, she thought, looking at her friend. She could laugh and joke till the cows came home but she was just as concerned about everything, maybe even more concerned than Ella, and she needed the other girl's calm reassurance. Ella always seemed to know what she was doing, even when she didn't, and they could do with a bit of stylish winging it right now. _Hm_, Addy thought. 'Stylish winging it.' Name of their autobiography?

'Alright. We can worry about studying later. For now we really had better go back to Madam Malkin's to order some Hogwarts robes. Then I suppose we need to head to-''

'_OLLIVANDERS!_' Addy couldn't help the desperate excitement that burst out of her. She coughed. 'I mean, uh. Yeah. We could go get wands or whatever. Y'know, play the field.'

The pair grinned in spite of their worries. Even if it all went spectacularly, disastrously, hideously wrong (title of their EP) and they turned out to have no more magic than a couple of non-magicky rocks. Hell, even if they were chased out of Diagon Alley by a horde of angry broomsticks (coincidentally a dream Addy had had recently) and cursed to foxtrot down Canary Wharf (coincidentally a dream Ella had had recently), they were still going to get to walk into an actual wand shop and try out actual wands. They were still going to stare right at the man who had weirded out an eleven year old Harry Potter with all his 'You-Know-Who was terrible, but great' spiel. Or would weird out. Dammit with all this time travel.

It was amazing. Magic or no magic.

The two promptly paid at the bar, where Ella gave Tom an apologetic smile for their high-pitched antics and dropped a couple of knuts in the pewter tips dish. She knew all too well the joys of working in hospitality, the terrible pay and surly customers. People were never more vicious than over their food and drink. Except perhaps Death Eaters, she thought wryly. They didn't need someone to skimp on their pint to fly into a murderous rage; that was just their default setting.

Their visit to Madam Malkin's barely took ten minutes, bashfully admitting to the witch that they _did_ need Hogwarts robes after all. There was a bit of a confusion when she asked for their house colours and they awkwardly admitted that they didn't have a house yet. However, the woman was a professional and she accepted their hastily explained story about being homeschooled with barely more than a surprised quirk of her eyebrow before informing them that the robes they'd been fitted for earlier were ready. Relieved at both the lack of questions and the chance to change into clothes not sticky with drying butterbeer, they thanked her, and she shooed them into the changing rooms. They emerged a few minutes later feeling very wizardy indeed ('Be_witching_, some might say' 'Positively _Enchanting_, Addy'). All they needed now were wands.

There was some kind of silent agreement between them as they paused outside Ollivanders, its exterior so muted and sombre compared with the vibrancy of the rest of the street. Ella's eyes danced over the faded gold letters and she felt her stomach flip a little.

'Ready?' She whispered to Addy.

'Always,' Addy grinned, before catching herself. 'Ay, Potter based pun.'

'The first of many,' Ella sighed, with a fake eye roll, letting the familiarity of their banter soothe her nerves.

Addy gave Ella's arm a reassuring squeeze before tugging open the door. Their presence was indicated by a tinkling bell as they stepped over the threshold, barely glancing around at the towering piles of wand boxes that brushed the ceiling before they were struck with a wide, silver-eyed gaze that held them in place.

'Well, well, well,' came a surprisingly robust tenor from the mouth of a very old-looking wizard. His hair reminded Addy of Einstein, wild and unkept, and a pure snowy white that was almost translucent in the candlelight that illuminated the shop. 'A long way from home I see.'

Addy's eyes widened in shock, restraining the urge to turn to Ella with a _crap he knows everything_ look. After all, how could he know? He probably had wizards and witches from all over the world coming into his shop every day. It wasn't too much of a stretch to assume that they weren't native Londoners, especially with their current lack of muggle clothing. However, there was something about the slight mischievous smile he was giving them, eyes glinting as they passed from her face to Ella's.

'Yes, it has been quite a journey to get here.' Ella replied calmly, with wary eyes and a polite smile. There was silence then as Ollivander gave Ella a knowing look and Addy felt her panic double.

'Traffic's a bitch,' Addy added hastily. 'We're uh, here to buy wands?' she offered, somewhat stating the obvious, but not knowing what else to say. Ollivander's smile widened before he disappeared into the shelves behind the counter.

'Well this is certainly the place for such a goal.'

His voice reached them just seconds before he did, frail arms clutching several different boxes. Setting them down on the counter, he turned to give Ella an appraising look. She resisted the urge to fidget under his gaze, feeling a little like she had when Florean had used the spell to x-ray her shoulder. Ollivander nodded to himself before turning to extricate a box of dark mahogany, opening it in front of Ella and indicating for her to pick up its contents.

'10¾ inches, vine wood, with a unicorn hair core.'

As soon as her hand closed around the slender object, a jolt of disbelief went through her. She was holding a wand, a _real_ wand. The wood was smooth and cool to the touch, but sturdy. A moment passed and nothing happened. Her fear from earlier came rushing back, before the wand began to emit a faint blue glow. She turned to Addy, wide-eyed in wonder, and saw a matching expression on her friend's face. Suddenly the wand became unbearably hot in her hands and started to vibrate, as if to shake her off. She had barely dropped it back in its box before several objects from around the store came crashing towards her. Addy pulled her down just in time as they met over their heads in an ear-splitting collision.

'Whelp. Definitely magical then,' Addy whispered in her ear from where they were still crouching down on the floor, and Ella laughed in relief. Ollivander seemed entirely unfazed by the debris now littering the shop floor, clearing it with barely a movement of his own wand.

'Damn picky wands around here,' she joked back with a relaxed grin, feeling the weight lift off her shoulders and pure, ecstatic joy take its place. She was magical. Addy would never let her hear the end of it.

They helped each other to their feet whilst Ollivander retreated behind the counter once more, muttering to himself 'close, but not _quite_ there...different wood, I think...more yielding perhaps…'.

After a few minutes he returned, handing Ella a leaf green box and gesturing for her to open it.

'Dogwood, unicorn hair. 14 inches.'

Ella plucked a reddish, roughly carved wand out of the box. It was much longer than the previous one, almost comic in size, and she knew that Addy would be dying to make a number of inappropriate jokes about its length and _girth_. As soon as she had the wand fully in her grasp, a spark shot out, nestling in the older wizard's hair which was promptly set alight.

'The third time today,' he sighed, wordlessly smothering the simmering flames with a quick flick of his wand. Ella barely contained a chuckle at the smoke that had taken the form of several playful dragons chasing each other over his slightly charred locks.

Once more he descended into the chaos behind his counter, returning only moments later holding a box so old the wood looked as fragile as spider silk. He gently patted away years of dust from its lid which immediately sent Addy sneezing. She idly wondered if it was possible to sneeze so hard she'd send herself back home, but quickly dismissed this interesting train of thought as she watched Ella pick up the wand inside. It was less showy than the other ones, more raw and natural, as if it had just been hewn from the tree. Addy watched as the air around Ella began to shimmer like light reflected in water, her friend's blonde curls dancing in a gentle breeze that hadn't been there a moment ago. She already knew before she saw the look of triumph on Ollivander's face that this was it. This was Ella's wand.

'12 ¾ inches, pear with a dragon heartstring, slightly yielding. Perfect'

As Ollivander turned to face her Addy began wringing her hands together beneath her robes. Of course Ella was magical, she could have predicted that years ago; she had an uncanny intuition for people's emotions, always mediating, always taking on others' pain like it was her own. Then there was her whole Dr Doolittle thing that seemed to attract every cat in the immediate area. She, however, had never displayed such talents. Ella might insist that her ability to whip out a quip in any given situation went beyond the powers of ordinary, but being handy with a joke hardly qualified as magic in her opinion. Just a stubborn refusal to take life seriously.

(Although her charming good looks and stellar wit had to count for something, right?)

'Well, let's hope the entire shop doesn't come crashing down on me.' Addy turned to Ella with a smirk to hide her nervousness. Case and point.

Ollivander stared at Addy for a couple of seconds, pondering, before offering her one of the wands from the pile on his desk. '10 inches, hawthorn, with unicorn hair core'. Ella watched as Addy reached for the wand before pausing, looking torn. As she studied her friend's face she felt the doubt and fear plaguing her. Ella wished Ollivander wasn't there, just for this moment, so she could reassure her. If she was magical then there was no way the other girl wasn't. Addy had such a gift for bringing people together, making them feel included with her easy humour. She was the ultimate antidote to any bad situation, and Ella knew she couldn't have gotten through the past twenty-four hours without her. She reached out and placed her hand gently on her arm, trying to convey everything through that one touch alone.

'Not my first time handling a wand, eh?' Addy joked, smiling uneasily.

'Addy, you knobhead. You're as big a virgin as I am.'

Ollivander looked faintly scandalised, but Addy mock gasped with her usual melodramatic flair and some of the tension seemed to relax from her shoulders. She seemed to steel herself then, flashing Ella a 'oh what the hell' look and grasping the wand in her hand. The second her fingers brushed the wood, the cabinet to their right exploded with such a violent BANG it startled even the half-deaf witch three fire-whiskey's deep at the Leaky Cauldron. Glass and splinters of wood rained down on them, and Ella felt the tension drain out of Addy as both girls burst into peals of laughter, swatting at the debris as it continued to fall. Ollivander shot them an exasperated look before clearing up the mess with another flourish of his wand and a low 'perhaps not'. The next ten minutes were eventful to say the least, with Addy going through wands like they were Florean's ice-cream. '10 ¼ inches, walnut, phoenix feather' was particularly interesting, as it appeared to turn the whole world upside down for about ten seconds. Ella still felt a little woozy when Ollivander came strutting out from the shelves with a look of slight mania, holding a vibrant red and purple box that had seen better days.

'Never, in all my years…' he was grumbling to himself. Ella turned to Addy, eyes sparkling. 'I think you may have broken Ollivander.'

'It's not my fault none of his wands can contain my overwhelming awesomeness.' Addy replied with a wicked grin. 'Down with the patriarchy!'

'12 ¾ inches, apple with dragon heartstring. Unyielding.' Ollivander held the box out to her, with a look that said if this one didn't work he might as well pack up shop and move to Peru.

He need not have worried, as it turned out; the moment Addy held the wand she knew the real fun had just begun. The wood was polished smooth and carved with delicate symbols. She could already feel Ella's desperation to find out what they meant, the nerd, and the thought had her smiling as a gentle warmth swept through her, like she'd just eaten one of her mother's Sunday dinners. All at once she felt safe, comfortable, in a way she hadn't since they'd arrived in the wizarding world, not even at Florean's.

'As I suspected' Ollivander voice cut through her joy, clearly satisfied now he knew that his wands were not to blame. 'Difficult, but not impossible.'

The girls looked at each other with a mock shrug.

'Eh. Not the first time we've been described that way.'


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note

_Whew, we are really on a roll here!_

**Chapter six eh? A strong number of chapters if I do say so myself.**

_Best number of chapters I've ever seen in my life._

**Until we put up a seventh. Then it will be an awful number of chapters.**

_We shall mock all sixth chapters in the universe._

**They truly repulse me. Six chapters. Disgusting.**

_But obviously not this one; no, this one is magnificent. As magnificent as Dumbledore's beard. You could tuck this chapter into your belt. That wasn't meant to sound weird, but here we are._

**I'd tuck this chapter into my belt.**

_Such a houndog._

**Cheeky Elvis.**

_Always._

**Cheeky Snape. That's not a phrase I thought I'd utter. Anywho. The chapter.**

_The glorious chapter six. Enjoy, while chapter six's are still cool. The clock is ticking._

* * *

**Chapter Six:** The Part Where Addy Can't Control Her Wand

* * *

'Ad my dear, if you don't stop flapping that thing around you're going to have your eye out. Or more importantly, _my_ eye out.'

'It's just so swishy!' Addy replied with unconstrained glee, feeling five years old again, dressed in her fairy-princess-pirate costume (she was a child of great depth) and waving around a tacky strip of plastic with a star on top. One that also doubled up as a sword if she felt so inclined. Or if there were dragons to slay - and boys that she didn't like.

That darned Jake Stanley.

Not five minutes later, however, Ella was proved annoyingly right when Addy's enthusiastic wand waving really did nearly poke a passing witch's eye out. She was still glaring daggers at them as she walked into Eeylops Owl Emporium, nearly tripping over the front step in her disdain.

'For Christ's sake Addy. You are seventeen years old. You legally possess a driving license. Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me!'

Addy paused, staring at her friend. 'Did you just…'

Ella thought about what she just said, before sighing in exasperation 'God, Pixar's ruined me.'

She yanked the wand from Addy's hand, stashing it in the pocket of her robes with her own. 'But the point still stands!'

Pushing their way through the lunchtime masses, they almost missed the entrance of Florean's pastel coloured shop for the hordes of hungry teenagers that were filling up the doorway. Each was waving around fistfuls of sickles and knuts, trying to look at the specials board while maintaining the inherently English need to queue.

'Bloody hell, Florean wasn't joking last night. I think every single Hogwarts student might be here right now!'

'Well, prime time to meet a few new peers before September.'

Ella and Addy looked sideways at each-other before bursting into unattractive snorts.

'That may just be the funniest thing you've ever said' Addy choked. 'Including the argument you had in the Odeon* that time with the guy dressed as the Hulk.'

'You know how I feel about the ethical ramifications of shopping at Boots**. There was that whole scandal a few years ago-'

'The poor bloke was just trying to get some popcorn and watch Endgame. Same as us.'

'I just wanted to know where he got his eyeliner from! How was I supposed to know that the Hulk has naturally smoky eyes and promotes tax avoidance?'

'Well, whatever the Hulk's beauty regime, I think it's safe to say our social skills have _not_ improved since then.'

Ella couldn't help the cheeky smile that broke out at that. 'True. We might be magic now, but it would still take a miracle to go one awkward conversation with someone without resorting to obscure musical numbers.'

'Resorting? I think you mean _regaling_. Those old biddies didn't understand the amazing gift our voices were.'

'Oh, I think they appreciated the gift alright. Just perhaps not in the middle of Lidl?'

'Touché.'

They battled their way through the crowd, Addy thrusting a couple of well-placed knees and elbows in the _ahem_, sensitive places of several particularly rude and snooty looking wizards. Ella was apologising profusely for her friend's behaviour all the while, before getting into an altercation of her own with an exceptionally handsy goblin.

Feeling like they had just been bouncing around inside a pinball machine, the two finally reached the counter and ducked behind it to find a surprisingly calm Florean multi-tasking to an unfathomable extreme. He was using his right hand to put change into the till, while he clutched his wand in his left and wordlessly enchanted perfectly spherical ice-cream scoops into various cones and tubs. These all zoomed happily into the crowd, fluttering around quizzically until they found their waiting witch or wizard. Quite astonishingly, he was also maintaining an amicable conversation with a pair of giggling witches that had settled in front of him.

'Oh, hi girls.' Florean smiled at the pair cheerily as he spotted them ducking under the counter. His eyes drifted down to Ella's oversized pocket, where two wooden hilts poked out. 'How are you finding your new wands?'

'Bit forward of you Florean,' Addy joked. 'We've only known you a day.'

'Addy!' Ella barely managed an eye roll, already too used to Addy's antics, and jabbed her slightly in the ribs before turning to Florean with an apologetic look. 'Sorry, Florean, she can't help herself. It's a disease.'

'Aye, it's alright,' he winked good-humouredly. 'I work fast you know.'

'Damn straight.' Addy agreed. 'One sundae, and you've already got us both living with you!'

'So easily pleased' Ella mused, giving Addy a shrewd look before retrieving their wands from her pocket. With a raise of her eyebrows, she handed back her friend's contraband item with the air of passing over the codes to the nearest nuclear missile.

'Now, with great power comes great responsibility. _Behave._'

'Yes, Aunt May.'

'Actually, it was Uncle Ben who - '

'Ella. Let me have this moment.'

The two donned matching red and white striped aprons and began to assist Florean with the orders. (Manually, of course. As excited as they were to start using their wands, Florean didn't need them blowing up his entire supply of raspberry ripple).

After about an hour or so, when the last few customers were milling around the tables, Florean pulled the two girls aside and sat them down at the breakfast bar near the till. He passed Ella a tub of mint-choc chip and Addy a banana cone, looking more sombre than he had all afternoon.

'I was actually hoping I could catch you girls today,' he said, glancing at the pair. His mouth was set in a worried line and his eyebrows drew together in a way that aged his cheery, youthful face. 'I think we have a couple of things that we need to clear up.'

The girls eyed him warily. Ella sighed, dropping the spoon back into her tub. They'd had a fairly good run up until now. Their luck was bound to end at some point.

'Look, Florean-' she began, but he cut her off.

'Now then, I appreciate that you girls have things that you don't want t' tell me. We all have our secrets, and we did, after all, only meet each other yesterday.' Florean began wiping at a spec of long-forgotten ice-cream on the table, visibly uncomfortable with the serious tone that he was taking,

'But I don't want my customers to be caught up with any of that, well, that-'

'Crazy pureblood terrorism?' Addy offered.

Florean looked at the girls, and Ella nudged Addy with as much subtlety as she could in her newly rearing panic.

'-_which_ we have absolutely nothing to do with.' Addy swiftly amended.

'As I said this morning, I pride myself on having a good sense about people. You seem like nice, kind girls and I want to trust you. But my gut has failed me before.'

Florean stopped at this, and his eyes suddenly looked tired, forehead creasing under some unknowable weight. He seemed to look through the girls, to something distant but painful, momentarily appearing much older than his thirty-three or four years of age. Ella felt a sharp pang jolt through her stomach.

'You girls came in last night all bloody and beaten, and I don't know what happened, but I can take two guesses. An' I don't like either of them.'

'Florean,' Ella began slowly, catching his warm brown eyes with her own earnest expression. 'You should know we're the last people who would ever subscribe to that kind of hatred and bigotry.'

'Hell, my parents could barely keep me going to martial arts lessons, I don't have the level of commitment required to join a death club.' Addy agreed.

Florean looked somewhat appeased, but the worry hadn't left his face. 'These are frightening times. I know that a lot of students your age can't wait to go an' join the fight…' his distant look returned, quickly broken with a sad sigh. 'I don't want you girls in any more danger either, mind. If you're going to be staying with me -'

'You want us to stay with you?' Ella interrupted, trying to muffle the hope that coloured her voice.

The tips of his ears went slightly red. 'Well, only if you want to.'

'Of course we do!' Addy exclaimed.

'Right then. Well. If you're going to be staying with me, then we need to set some ground rules. No coming in at goodness knows when covered in your own blood. Or other people's blood. No broken bones, no being chased by crazed blood purity fanatics, and no damage to the shop of any kind.'

'We would never do any harm to you. Or your ice-cream shop.' Addy paused. '_Especially_ your ice-cream shop.'

'Good. But you need to watch out for yourselves as well. These are not easy times. Especially for young witches and wizards… thinking they can take on the world and paying for it in the end.'

'What we mean to say is that you can trust us.' Ella said firmly. 'Because those ice-creams are worth more than Addy's weight in galleons.' she added with a placating grin.

Florean chuckled slightly at Ella's remark, the sombreness on his face receding once more and shedding the years that had temporarily taken residence. 'An' don't I know it. Some days I think this place costs me more than it's worth to run.'

The girls looked down at their ice-creams, Addy with her cone half-way to her mouth and a look of absolute horror on her face.

'Florean,' Ella began, pausing to look him full in the eye with a severity that could shame Minerva McGonagall. 'I'm sorry. But with that statement I've lost all respect for you.'

'Blasphemy,' Addy agreed, obstinately licking a stripe of her banana ice-cream. 'Merlin himself would be ashamed.'

The three of them sat in a comfortable silence for a minute or two. It wasn't a happy silence; it couldn't be, given the circumstances. Each of them had a thousand questions whizzing around, and each question had a thousand problems, ones that weren't going to go away anytime soon. It was, however, a silence of contentment. They recognised that for now, at least, they were safe with one another.

That was, until -

'_MERLIN'S BASTARD BALLS!'_

From across the room a loud male voice let out a yell. This was followed by a large, near-cartoonish crash and clang of metal alongside the simultaneous smash of glass.

The girls jumped up from the table in fright, Addy nearly flinging what was left of her cone at a surprisingly unperturbed Florean who was sat shaking his head.

'That boy.'

A door that they hadn't noticed before flung open just to the right of the counter. Out stepped a tall, round-faced boy with what presumably would have been a mop of light brown hair, had it not been covered in a thick and sticky black treacle. His clothes were sodden, the white shirt he was wearing clinging to his stocky frame and sporting a vaguely beige tinge. His ruddy face was mournful as he approached, and the girls nostrils burned with a strong saccharine scent and the distinct whiff of butterscotch radiating from him.

'Why is it always me?'

Ella turned to look at Addy, her eyes wide. Addy looked back, nodding, with a slight smirk. Surely there was only one person this could be.

Florean chuckled at the boy fondly. 'You're just unlucky Frank my lad. You've been gifted with all the grace of a forest bull on firewhiskey.'

Frank's face went pink.

'I was looking for the chocolate cauldrons and I knocked over a tub of ice-mice. That knocked over a pile of mixing bowls which knocked over a jar of treacle which knocked over me. Then I fell into a crate of butterbeer.' Frank rubbed his soggy sleeve sadly. 'I'm sorry Florean. I'll pay for it all I promise. If you want to sack me then that's okay, I'll explain it to my mam'. I'm no good at this job.'

Florean shook his head.

'I'm not sacking you Frank, you're still learning. Mistakes happen. I remember when I apprenticed with Honeydukes. There was an incident with some exploding bonbons…' Florean paused, his face creasing slightly at the memory, before continuing. 'However, there is _something_ that you can do - to help pay for the damages, so to speak.'

Frank looked at him earnestly, his wide brown eyes full of warmth.

'Anything!'

'The girls here,' he gestured to Ella and Addy 'will be in need of a tutor-'

'We will?' Ella interrupted, slightly confused.

'-as they are, provided they get their letters soon, going be attending Hogwarts in September.'

'We are?' Addy asked, slightly panicked, and wondering if Florean had put some sort of bugging device in the many ice-creams he'd fed them. They hadn't even gotten around to discussing Hogwarts with him yet. They'd been side-tracked with deep chats and delicious dairy-products. That man knew how to work a banana.

Ella looked at Addy and gave her what presumably was a botched attempt at a wink. It caused her to scrunch up her face and close both of her eyes. (Ella was good at a number of things. Winking, however, was not one of them.) Addy took this startling display of body language to mean '_roll with it Goddammit'_, and so quickly amended her statement.

'I mean, yes. _We are_.'

'Of course you are! I'm not going to prevent you girls from having an education, or the chance to meet more witches and wizards your own age, like Frank here. I know that you didn't have wands before you came here, but you couldn't have finished schooling just yet, could you? What are you, fourteen, fifteen?'

'_Fourteen?!_' Addy cried. 'I'm bloody outraged.'

Ella flicked her friend upside the head. 'Try seventeen Florean. Eighteen in October,' she said, with mock-chagrin. 'I know I'm short, but goodness. That's four years out. Not even close.'

'Of legal magical age pal.' Addy agreed. 'And I will legally magic that smile off your face- what do you think you're grinning about?'

The last part of her statement was directed at Frank, who had begun to chuckle slightly at the exchange. He quickly stopped as she faced him. 'I've got a wand in my pocket and I'm not afraid to use it, buddy.' Addy continued. 'Which is, coincidentally, an excellent, if somewhat forward, chat-up line. Bank that one Ella.'

'There are many reasons why I won't bank that.' Ella replied. She looked at Florean and Frank. 'I fear we may have unleashed a sequence of wand-based humour that neither I, nor the rest of the world, is ready for.'

Florean nodded. 'We can only pray.'

They both stood there for a minute, contemplating the evil that they had released into the magical realm.

'So,' Ella continued, 'a tutor, you were saying.'

'Well Frank here is an excellent student. Very bright and a whiz at potions. I think that he'd be good at getting you up to date.'

Frank smiled at them both, opening his mouth to say something, before his expression dropped.

'I'm utter shite at Transfiguration though,' he said glumly. 'I've no idea why I took it.'

'I can guarantee you'll be better than us at this point Frank.' Ella assured him. 'We're total novices.'

'From a very hippy, new-age family,' Addy affirmed. 'They didn't believe in wands.'

Ella looked at her sternly and Addy shrugged, nonplussed. It was out there now, and gosh-darn if she wasn't going to roll with it.

'My name's Addy, by the way. I can't remember whether we introduced ourselves.'

'I don't think we did!' Ella replied, looking upset with herself, before smiling warmly at Frank. 'I'm Ella. It's lovely to meet you. I hope you don't think us rude, but it's not everyday you meet someone wearing treacle for a hat. It can really distract a person from common niceties.' A devilish glint entered her eye at this, and Florean could barely contain his chortling.

Frank's answering smile was equally warm, and his already ruddy cheeks deepened a few shades.

'Don't worry, if my mam could see me now she'd clip me round the ear for making such a first impression. Frank Longbottom, at your service.'

He held out a hand for the two girls to shake. The girls looked at his slightly sticky fingers for a few seconds before shrugging and each leaning in and taking his hand in turn. He blushed even darker, if possible, as if realising just then that he was covered in butterbeer, but his eager smile never faded.

Addy winked conspiratorially at Frank, who looked somewhat alarmed. 'Nice to meet you Frank. I have a feeling that we're going to become great friends.'

* * *

'Frank, if you make me lumos one more bloody time, I'm going to stick this up your arse and see if you glow.' Addy said irritably, brandishing her wand in a menacing manner.

'Practice makes perfect Adele,' he replied with a slightly haughty tone in his usually affable voice. He was relishing the position of teacher a little too much if you asked the girls.

'Yes, and I appreciate that. But we've been doing the same damn spell for two hours and we got it working an hour and a half ago. I could lumos in my sleep. I got lumos for days.'

The light emitting from the end of Addy's wand seemed to glow a little brighter at that, as if to reinforce her point, illuminating their makeshift classroom. Florean had suggested the little courtyard behind his shop for the privacy afforded by the somewhat imposing stone walls that bordered it. However, there was a comfortable quality to the compact space that the girls were beginning to associate with their adoptive guardian. Climbing masses of clematis and honeysuckle had been trained to grow up wooden trellises, interweaving with one another and softening the overall effect, and there were raised flower-beds that Florean must have built himself. Each was filled to the brim with roses and peonies and other beautifully exotic flowers that the girls didn't recognise, so could only assume that they were magical. Despite being stuck in central London, it smelled like the countryside – flowers, plants and soil.

'I think what Addy is saying,' Ella added, 'is that we can move at a quicker pace than we have been. It's going to be dark soon and all we've learnt is lumos and scourgify. Both useful spells obviously, but...'

'But if we're going to get up to scratch with five years' worth of missed education in six weeks, then we have got to get a move on pal. We can practice in our own time.'

In spite of their pleasant surroundings the girls were feeling restless. They had a lot to learn in a short space of time – if they even got their Hogwarts letters, and there was no guarantee. This was a fear that had been plaguing Ella since they made the decision in the Leaky Cauldron. She had felt such conviction when they first met Florean, like everything was slotting into place, but now she couldn't help but wonder if it was just her _wanting_ to believe that it was all meant to be. Just the blood loss and fear sending her absolutely cream crackers. Maybe it really was just some weird, cosmological fluke, and there was no more a reason for their being there than there was for Florean's crab and caramel Ice-Cream. She knew Addy had her own doubts, and even the joy of meeting Frank and learning spells couldn't fully appease the growing tension.

'Alright, alright. I'll move it along. However, you'd better read the chapter on Wiggenweld Potions tonight – _and_ cure for boils while you're at it!'

'Are you giving us homework Frank?' Ella chuckled.

He blushed slightly. 'Well, if you hope to pass the end of summer test I'm planning for you. You'll need to do some extra research.'

'You drive a hard bargain,' Ella replied mock-seriously, before grinning. 'But you definitely don't need to worry about us doing extra reading. I plan on finishing Hogwarts a History by tomorrow, and there's this book on Ancient Runes I bought earlier that I really want to start before we get onto - '

She paused at the look on Addy's face. 'What?'

'Such a nerd.' Addy shook her head, smirking at her predictable friend. 'I, on the other hand, intend to dedicate my time reading up on quidditch techniques and downing as many sundaes as I can squeeze out of Florean. I saw a curry and mint one earlier, which both intrigued and disturbed me.' Addy said, before noticing Frank's look. 'Oh, and yeah. The assigned chapters too… _Professor_ _Longbottom_.'

'I have to wonder about some of Florean's concoctions,' Ella mused. 'I saw him working on cookie batter and coriander this morning. I hope he's okay.'

'There have been a couple that haven't worked,' Frank agreed. 'He tried a garlic, blueberry and pumpkin juice one the other week. I can still taste it.' Frank grimaced, evidently re-living the moment. 'Anyway, how do you girls fancy learning the body-binding curse?'

Ella and Addy grinned.

'I thought you'd never ask,' Ella said. 'Petrificus Totalus, if I am correct?'

'You are,' Frank confirmed.'You know, despite you girls saying that you've never learnt magic, you're pretty up to date on your magical incantations. Even if you don't know how to cast them.'

'We read a lot.' It was a true enough statement, if somewhat misleading.

'Right, so I'll demonstrate first and-' he looked down at himself, patting his borrowed clothes, eyebrows furrowing. He was wearing a slightly too tight pink shirt and pair of beige trousers from Florean, as his own garments were in the process of being washed. Addy watched as he slapped his chest and thighs repeatedly.

'If I didn't know better, I'd say you were tenderising a chicken,' she noted.

'I can't remember where I've put me wand,' he groaned, his gentle voice betraying a slight pinch of panic. 'My mam's gonna kill me if I've lost it again.'

Addy chuckled, feeling a remarkable kin-ship with this klutzy, forgetful boy. She was exactly the same; which is why she felt absolutely no shame for taking advantage of the situation.

'I may not know much about spells, but I've learned a few muggle magic tricks in my time,' she said. 'And I bet you a galleon I can make your wand reappear from behind your ear.'

Frank looked at her in awe. 'Really?'

'Indubitably.' Addy replied, using a word that she'd most definitely learned from _Mary Poppins_. (But was surprisingly not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. That never seemed to crop up.)

Ella rolled her eyes good-naturedly at her friend, before stepping in to save the poor bloke from spending an unnecessary galleon. 'Frank, don't fall for her shenanigans. Your wand is behind your ear.'

'Spoilsport.'

'Plus,' Ella continued 'she's awful at muggle magic tricks. As we established earlier, she needs to work on her sleight of hand.'

Addy feigned hurt at her friend's comment, while Frank thankfully retrieved his lost wand from behind his ear.

'Right, as I was saying,' Frank began once more. 'I'll demonstrate first. I can't technically do magic outside of school as I'm not seventeen until September first…' He looked around uncomfortably. 'But since this is such a densely populated area, they shouldn't be able to pick up my magical trace. Probably.'

A slight sheen of sweat broke out on his top lip.

'Don't worry it about it Frank' Ella said, sensing his distress.'You can just explain it if you like, give us the magical theory and then we can try and cast it.'

Frank considered this for a moment, looking relieved.

'Yes, let's do that. It'd be just my luck to get expelled from Hogwarts before I've sat my NEWT's. Or made first team in quidditch.' He paused, before smiling at them mischievously. 'It's a shame though, I was rather looking forward to cursing Addy.'

Addy whacked his shoulder. 'Don't forget who can legally do magic here, bud.'

'Don't forget who's teaching you it,' he replied with a grin, his round face lighting up.

'We've got a feisty one on our hands here.'

Frank blushed again (it really was too easy), before assuming his stern teacher expression once more. 'So, the wand movement for Petrificus Totalus, or the body-binding curse, starts to the left of your- Ella no, _your other left_. That's it. Then carefully- Addy, you're going to take someone's eye out. Let me finish. _CAREFULLY_.'

He watched with horror as Addy juggled her wand with all the elegance of a one-winged pigeon, reconvening when nothing calamitous occurred.

'Right, carefully swoop your wand down and to your left again… Ella, that's still not your left. Make an L with your fingers, that's it. Now, draw a backwards crescent moon shape with your wand and then swish it back to the right before dropping downwards.'

They looked at him blankly.

'I'm sorry, try that again?' said Ella.

'On your left. Down to left in a backwards crescent moon. Move your wand to the right and drop it down.'

'Right,' Addy said, not at all getting it. 'Gotcha.'

'While you're doing this, you have to state firmly and clearly _Petrificus Totalus_.'

The girls tried it a couple of times with no success, neither of them feeling the rush that they had earlier in Ollivanders.

'Don't worry,' Frank said. 'This one's more complicated than the lumos. You also need to concentrate on the action that you want to occur. You want your target to freeze up, so think about what will make that happen. Cover them in-'

'_Petrificus totalus!'_

Addy swished her wand experimentally and Frank fell backwards to the floor, stiff as a board.

'Well,' said Ella thoughtfully. 'You've evidently got that one down pat.'

She walked over to look at the boy who was partially nestled in a rose bed, a shocked expression on his frozen face.

'We'd best start learning Finite Incantatem then.'

* * *

***Odeon is a cinema chain we have here in the UK. **_And if I'm not mistaken in Ireland and Norway as well. Because Niche_**.** **It's also where, apparently, Marvel superheroes like to hang out when there's a midnight screening of Avengers. **_Because why wouldn't they? _**I had a connection with Captain America over that pick 'n' mix.** _I most certainly did not have a connection with the Hulk._

**_Boots is a health and beauty retailer/pharmacy which did indeed have a whole to-do about tax avoidance a few years ago_. **Which is a crying shame. Their meal deals are excellent. **_They are indeed. Some damn good sushi._


End file.
